Girlfriend threatening to get me arrested

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old, and I am the father of four children. Two are for the woman that I live with, and the other two are outside children. I am having a hard time at home because my girlfriend is always searching my phone. She sees things in there from girls that I don't know. About a month ago, a girl sent me a text saying how much she enjoyed our time together and she wants more.

My girlfriend almost took the roof off the house. She cursed and cursed and threatened to leave me. She came up in my face and told me that she would prefer to kill me than for another woman to get me. I pushed her, and she fell on the sofa. She said she was going to get me arrested. I never touched her, I only pushed her. And she shouted out 'murder, murder' when she fell on the sofa. I put on some clothes, and went to the park and sat there to keep myself out of trouble.

Girls passed me and started conversations with me. They thought I was buying sex. They were offering to sell me cheap, cheap. I mean as small as $500. I said to myself, "If my girlfriend knew that I could have gotten girls all night, she would behaved herself." I went back home before morning thinking that she had quieted down, but it was more worries when I went home.

She convinced herself that it was a woman's house that I went to. I told her that I was at a woman's house, but I didn't mean it, because I was at a certain park. I don't know what to do with this woman. She told the two children at the house that she is going to leave me because I have other women.

My children asked me if I am going to leave their mommy, and I told them that their mother's head is 'gathering water'. If my co-workers call me, my girlfriend gets upset. I have to tell all my female friends not to call my house. I put a pin on my phone, and I had to take it off because she threatened to destroy the phone.

I cheated on my girlfriend when she was pregnant with our second child. I don't know how she found out, but when she asked me, I admitted that I cheated. How can I cope with this woman? I don't want to leave her because of my children, and both of us have bought this house together. So, I am begging you for your advice. I always read your column. Thanks for your kind advice.

W.H.

Dear W.H.,

You said that when your girlfriend was pregnant with her second child, you cheated and when she asked you about it, you admitted it. Perhaps she forgave you, but from that time she has never fully trusted you again. She sees you as a cheater and believes that you are having an affair with every woman who calls you. It must be very tough for you trying to convince her that that's not true. I believe that this is why she searches your phone all the time and when you put a pin on your phone, she threatened to destroy the phone.

If you have not removed the pin she would have probably carried out her threats. In her mind, she believes that if you did not have something to hide, you wouldn't put a pin on it.

As I see it, you and this woman love each other, but there is a trust issue. By the way, perhaps a family counsellor might be able to reach her and explain to her that some people send texts to individuals that they admire and love, even when they know that these individuals are living with their spouses. They do so to create problems, and they are hoping that the spouses of the ones they love will break up the relationship so that they would have the opportunity to become intimate with them.

HARD TO BELIEVE

So, these messages that might have appeared on your phone do not have to be true, but because you were guilty of cheating, she is not going to believe that you do not know who sent these messages. But, as I said, perhaps a counsellor would be able to tell her not to believe everything that she sees on your phone.

You have to be very careful not to lose your cool and do anything to your woman to cause her to call the police. You don't want to spend even one night in jail. You did the right thing by leaving the house and spending almost all night in the park. You saved yourself from getting into trouble. But now, you have another problem of trying to convince her that you were not with a woman. Therefore, call a family counsellor and arrange for both of you to meet with him/her.

Allow your woman to answer your phone at any time. Seek the help from the counsellor early. I wish you well.

Pastor