Married boyfriend preventing me from becoming a Christian


June 08, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 40 years old. I became involve with a man 18 years ago. While we were together he got married to another woman, but we never left each other because our love for each other is genuine. I was going to school, and he helped me right through. He also helped me to get a job. He also gave me money to pay down on an apartment. He did not hide coming to see me. But he only sleeps at my house when his wife is away. She has one child for him.

My friends ask me when I am going to get married. I told them that I don't know. I am getting much older now, and a few years ago I told him that I would like to have a baby. We stopped using protection, but I have not gotten pregnant. So I am thinking of adopting one of my brother's children.

My brother told me that I should leave my man and find a younger guy and have sex with him so that he can get me pregnant. But, I am not going to do that. I would prefer not to get the experience of having a child. It is not every man who would buy an apartment for a woman he didn't marry and have her name on the title.

One day I joked with him and told him that I want to leave him for another man; he told me that I would have to leave Jamaica. I was only testing him. I am in a good job. Recently, I started to go to church and the only thing that is preventing me from making a full commitment in church is this man.

Sometimes I want to tell this man to go, but I don't believe that he will go. Please help me with your advice.


Dear M.H.,

Without a doubt, this man has helped you and he seems to be a man of means. He educated you and he helped you to buy an apartment. If you want to adopt a child, he is not against that. He is not able to impregnate you. You are quite willing to adopt one of your brother's children. You have been very loyal to him, but remember he is married and you can't make any legal claim on him.

Now that you are attending church and you want to serve the Lord, you are finding it difficult to know what to do. You are no more a young woman. This man should be willing to set you free because that is your wish. You have given him your best years. He shouldn't be so selfish. If you truly want to serve the Lord, you should not allow this man to tell you that you cannot. You can test him by telling him you will give him back part of the money that he has given you, because he will not be able to purchase your salvation. And your salvation is more important than all that he can do for you. So, think about all that I have said and make your own decision.


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