My girlfriend only wants oral sex


June 14, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have a girlfriend who is 26. We have been together for one year. She is living on her own. When I met her, she had just lost a baby.

I got to know one of her girlfriends and she told me that my girlfriend is lying to me. She said she did not lose the baby, she threw it away.

I told her that I didn't believe that she would do that, and she said yes because the man who got her pregnant was her brother. I was shocked.

One evening when I went to see her, she was cooking my favourite food, ackee and salt fish.

For the first time I asked her what was the favourite food of her former boyfriend, and she said he was not fussy over food. Plain rice and mackerel was good enough for him.

We started to talk about him and she said he was mean, so she couldn't stay with him. Then she said it was this girl's brother. So I knew the girl was talking the truth.

I reasoned it in my mind that whether she aborted the pregnancy or not, that was before my time. I am having a hard time with her when it comes to sex. She does not want me to penetrate her.

All she is interested in is oral sex. Nothing is wrong with her. I asked her why that is all she wants me to do, and she said that is what she likes.

Pastor, I do not have any children as yet. I would like to become a father and I don't want to run around. This is my second girlfriend.

My mother gave me a piece of land and I am gathering material to put up a two-bedroom house. I work with a contractor and he has promised to help me.

My friends in the area would help me too, but this problem is on my mind. My mother told me that I should settle down before she dies and give her a grandchild.

I don't know anything about my father. My mother doesn't know whether he is dead or alive. I figure it is my duty to take care of my mother.

I have a sister and she is married and living in Canada. She used to tell me that I should marry one of her friends in Canada, but since I met this girl, I have decided that I will settle down with her.

But I can't tell my mother that she doesn't want me to 'enter in her garden'. So, pastor, what is your suggestion?


Dear P.L.,

I wonder why this girl told you that your girlfriend did not have a miscarriage, but instead, she wilfully terminated the pregnancy.

She knows that the two of you are together now and the relationship is serious. It is either she wants to break up the relationship by giving you the impression that this girl is not someone who can be trusted, or she is in love with you and wants you for herself. So you should not put confidence in her.

This girl told you that she lost the baby. If she was not speaking the truth then that is a matter of concern, and you should seriously consider whether you should tell her that someone told you that she terminated the pregnancy.

Whether she had an abortion or not, you should bear in mind that when some people have miscarriage, some people always accuse them of 'throwing away the belly'.

Concerning the type of sex your girlfriend enjoys, perhaps she is fearful of becoming pregnant again.

If you are determined to have sex with her, both of you should go and see a family counsellor and discuss this matter.

I say that because you seem to feel that you love this woman and you would like to make her your wife.

You are planning to build a house with her in mind, and your mother is encouraging you to settle down. So, tell her that both of you should go for counselling, and do so early.

But before you go to see the counsellor, raise the matter about abortion and see how she would react.


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