Fiance's mom hates that I'm from the ghetto


June 15, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column from I was in high school. My mother used to buy the Star newspaper and keep it in her bag, and after she ate, she used to leave it out for me to read it.

She did not want me to read it all the time if the letters in your column were too 'juicy', as she called them.

But I always found ways to read them and to discuss with my schoolmates what I read. To this day, I remember some of them.

I am now 22. I am not married, but I have a fiancE who is in engineering. He is 24.

My fiancE's mother doesn't like me. She told her son that he could have done better and that he did not have to find a ghetto girl to be his wife.

When he told me what she said, I asked him how he felt about it and he said he did not think that where I come from is an issue.

But he has mentioned it a few times. For example, pastor, we were in New York together among some of his friends and one of them asked me what part of Jamaica I am from, and before I could answer, he said St Andrew.

When we were alone, I told him that he should not do that to me again. He said he meant no harm, but he knows how some people think and the girl who asked me that question is from uptown.

My fiancE's brother married a half-white girl and his mother told him that he should try to do the same to lift his colour.

Whenever I go to his office, she is there because she works with him. She talks to me, but she criticises me behind my back.

I told him that I would like to settle down in two years and he says that is alright. We are living together now and I am off the pill and he knows that, but he is still using the condom and when I asked him why, he said he doesn't want any children out of wedlock.

But I believe that it is more than that. I don't believe that he wants to get me pregnant, because he will be forced to marry me.

I don't want to judge my fiancE because I don't see any signs that he has another woman, but I am feeling uneasy these days.


I told a friend about my problem and she told me that I should punch holes in the condoms before he uses them. I don't want to do that.

I would prefer to leave him. I love this man. The apartment that we are now living in is new and I just love it here. What do you think I should do?


Dear D.N.,

I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend's mother does not love you. In fact, I hate to say that she is talking as a fool.

You don't have any control over where you were born. In fact, you don't have to be ashamed of where you were born or where you grew up.

There are many people who were born in the inner city. They have experienced the ghetto life, but they are very intelligent and educated.

The uptown people, so to speak, have nothing, absolutely nothing, over them.

Your mother worked hard and sent you to school. You have an education and this man loves you. Don't allow anybody on his side of his family to insult you and look down on you.

I suggest that if he raises this matter about your complexion and how his mother feels about you, tell him to get lost because you can always get another man who won't question where you are from and be embarrassed about you because you are not a fool.

You can more than help yourself to get ahead in life. Don't give this man many more years of yourself. Don't take your friend's advice about the condoms.

What I will suggest that you do is to go back to school and further your education. While you are doing so, if any man shows interest in you, tell your fiancE that you are moving on.


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