I got engaged to my cousin

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your advice. I am 31 years old and was engaged to be married. The man I was engaged to lives in New York, where we got engaged. I met him up there when I was on vacation. His parents are Jamaicans, and he was born in Jamaica. He hadn't been to Jamaica for a long time because of his job. He came to Jamaica recently and was staying with his family.

When my grandmother met him and enquired who are his parents, she told me that he is my cousin and she knew his grandparents well. When I heard that, I did not want my grandmother to continue to explain anything to me. I became very depressed. We were planning to go on the north coast for the weekend, but I could not get what my grandmother said to me out of my mind, and she was talking the truth because what she said, he confirmed.

My mother asked me what I was going to do, and I told her that I don't know what to do. My boyfriend told me that he doesn't care because that is an old-time thing and these are modern days. But my grandmother told me that I shouldn't get married to the guy, and she started quoting the scriptures. I started to feel sick to my stomach knowing that both of us slept together many times when I was in New York and we were planning to go to Ochi for the weekend. I had to lie to him and tell him that my period came and that would spoil our weekend. I could not even kiss him. I tried to give him back the engagement ring, but he refused to take it.

Pastor, I am a very jealous girl, but I introduced him to one of my friends and I told her that she should take good care of him. Now, they are talking, and I am encouraging him to become serious with her. He tells me that I am cold, but the feelings I used to have for him are dead. He told me that I did not truly love him, otherwise my feelings would not have died. But my grandmother is a gifted woman, and I believe what she said.

Do you think that I am wrong in my decision not to go forward with this wedding? I thank you in advance for your advice.

G.B.

Dear G.B.,

You have already accepted the advice of your grandmother. The young man said he doesn't believe anything is wrong for cousins to get married. The Bible discourages people of 'near kin' to get married. Your grandmother believes that whether it is distant or 'near' cousins, it is wrong for cousins to get married. The young man said that you are cold and that you didn't truly love him. You know that is not true. No one should force you to continue in this relationship. You wouldn't be comfortable or happy.

Wish the young man well. He is having a relationship with one of your friends now. Wish both of them well. But, before I go, let me simply say that I would not condemn distant cousins who have gotten married, but I would prefer that they don't.

Pastor