Girlfriend wants me to buy 'puss in bag'

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I became a Christian a year ago. I used to have some girlfriends, but I have changed. I am trying to settle down.

Since I started attending church, I found a beautiful sister and we became friends, but now I am having problems.

The church has some very strict rules, so as soon as I started talking to her, she said we have to talk to the leaders. So we went to the pastor's house to discuss our future.

We were there for two hours. I have a car, I could have dropped her home but she said no. She is 25 and still a virgin. She does not trust me because of my past life.

I told her that if she does not trust me, I can't trust her either, and I would like to know if she is really a woman.

She said she is. I asked her to allow me to touch her 'there' and she said no. When I called her the following day to find out how she was doing, she said I shouldn't call her again because my thoughts are not clean. She questioned how I could be a Christian and want to touch her vagina.

I told her that I have sisters and they all told me that their boyfriends played with them before they got married. One of them even got pregnant. But I do not want to buy 'puss in bag'.

I begged her not to break up with me, and that I was sorry for what I told her. She said she would give me one more chance, but I should not expect her to allow me to fondle her.

I would have to take her word that she is all right.

If I want to make a little joke with her about sex, she tells me that I am not sanctified.

She told the pastor that I am trying to touch her up. He spoke to me about it and I was ashamed.

I started to attend another church because I was seeking a wife and I met another girl. She has a child. We started to date.

I told her about this other girl and found out they were schoolmates and good friends.

She called her and told her that I am a good man and she should loosen up. We started to talk back to each other.

I would love to get married to her in 2019, but until now she has never kissed me and I don't know whether she is a woman or a man. So, I am asking you kindly for your advice.

S.A.

Dear S.A.,

You have declared to this woman that you cannot marry her unless you are assured that she is a woman, but what you really mean is that you would love to have sex with her before you get married.

The young woman is not stupid. She knows that she can prove to you that she is a woman without having sex with you.

She could just go to the doctor and get a certificate from him or her and give it to you.

What I am trying to say is that you don't have to be bothered about buying 'puss in bag'. You could always go with her to the doctor. I am sure the doctor won't allow you to stay in the examination room when he is examining her, but he or she would assure you that everything is right.

But if you feel that this woman is tricking you - which I don't believe that she is - you should leave her alone because she has to live with her conscience until she dies.

She doesn't want to do anything at all that would cause her to feel that she has gone against her religious convictions.

Perhaps this puss in the bag doctrine has caused men to lose many good women over the years. But it is not only the men who believe that they will have to have sex before they marry.

Many women, including Christians, have openly said that they want to try men before they marry them because they are not sure that these men could 'stand at attention'.

Pastor