Boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you. I am 17. I've been reading your column for three years. I graduated from high school last year and I'm about to turn 18 this year.

I had sex with my boyfriend recently. He is currently 20 and is a tertiary student.

I found out that I am pregnant with his child. He's saying that he cannot take care of a child right now because he has only completed two of his five-year course.

I am about to start university and he's saying that I should abort the pregnancy so we can both complete and fulfil our dreams, and later in the future we can try again to have a child.

I asked him what if I go through with the abortion and I can't have children in the future? He said that's not going to happen, but I'm afraid.

I'm, however, a child troubled with PTSD and depression, so I don't think I can go through with the abortion; and I'm from a family that does not believe in abortion.

My mother does not know that I am pregnant and when she finds out, she will be disappointed because she got pregnant when she was 19 and my oldest sister also got pregnant when she was 19.

They always talk to me about that. She wants me to go to university and go on to be a successful person, because I do not have a father.

Pastor, please help me. I'm confused, scared and worried.

N.G.

Dear N.G.,

I suggest that you carry the pregnancy regardless of what this young man says. You made a big mistake, but terminating the pregnancy is not the way to correct it.

You would always remember that you got pregnant. Any time a couple has unprotected sex, they should know that it is likely that the female may become pregnant.

I have been writing this column for many years and although I have on numerous occasions warned couples not to have unprotected sex, they do.

Unfortunately, the men have convinced the women that sex is nicer without using the condom, and even women have convinced themselves that they are missing something when the condom is used.

Some men even tell the women that they will withdraw and not discharge in them, and the women believe them.

But, they fail to tell the women that fluid can pass from the men before ejaculation and that fluid contains sperm cells that can cause pregnancy.

Most men are not disciplined enough and cannot determine when they would ejaculate, and men know the real sweetness of sex is when a man is able to ejaculate. How can a man hold that back and put it outside the vagina?

Well, I am getting into an area I didn't have to, but I say the above to warn women not to allow men to fool them, and also to caution men that they can impregnate women even when the actual ejaculation does not take place inside the vagina.

That is one of the reasons why some men, when they are told that they have impregnated a sex partner, they deny it and refuse to accept paternity.

Back to your concern and your pregnancy; I repeat, have your baby. That will not prevent you from getting a university education.

It may slow down the process, but your goal can be realised later in the years to come. And if the young man truly loves you, he will stick with you during the pregnancy and when it is time for you to enter university, he would assist you.

Don't fret yourself to death. That would do you no good. Tell your mother the truth; she will be disappointed in you, but she would give you her support.

My prayers are with you. Take good care of yourself and don't allow this man to pressure you to do an abortion.

Pastor