Don’t love my boyfriend completely

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am living with my parents. They are very strict, but they love me. I don't obey them 100 per cent, but they don't know that. I have one brother and twin sisters.

My sisters are older than I am. Both of them are going to be married very soon and my father says that I will get the money that he used to spend on them. He is not rich but I can use a little more money.

I have a boyfriend but he is my age and immature. Some weeks ago I met a man online. He is 20. But I have not told anybody about him. You are the first person I am telling.

MEN ARE LIKE LIZARDS

He said he would like to meet me but I told him not now. Pastor, I am so afraid of meeting these guys. I hear of so many girls getting hurt and going missing.

My boyfriend and I have never had sex. He told me that he wants to become a doctor and that is exactly what I want to be. His parents are well off. He always has money. He is not a 'bad-looking' guy. He is very tall. I love him, but not 100 per cent. He told me that if we were to get married, I would have to love him 100 per cent. Is that possible?

My parents told me that I should not marry the man I love, I should marry the man who loves me because men change like lizards. I would like to go and study abroad. My sisters went to university here in Jamaica. But, they are getting married to men who live abroad. So they will be leaving Jamaica. I promised my boyfriend to have sex with him when I am 18. My sisters had sex with their boyfriends when they were 18 on the same night at a hotel. That is a secret I have kept for them.

My boyfriend told me that he can wait for me. I told him that he has to wait because he is a few months' younger than I am. My parents thought that my sisters were saints, but they were not because after they got engaged, they were having sex regularly and they always talk to me about it.

D.A.

Dear D.A.,

You have a long way to go before you consider marriage. You are only 17. And while it is true that a 17-year-old girl will have thoughts about sex, and may even lie to her friends about sexual experiences, her thoughts should be centred on getting a good education. So, I hope that you would not be in a hurry to become sexually involved with your boyfriend.

I am not surprised that you consider him immature because he is younger than you. Many young girls, as they develop, prefer to have older men as their boyfriends because they say that older men treat them better.

You do not have to look to this young man for financial assistance because you are well supported by your parents. Your sisters have tried to give you guidance. They love you as a sister and they take you as their little pet, but you do not need to follow all their footsteps. I hope you keep your goal in mind. You want to be a doctor. Study hard and focus on your plans. I wish you well.

Pastor