Can't get an erection for my wife since she cheated

Dear Pastor,

I am 51. I am divorced. I know it was wrong to divorce my wife, but I couldn't help it. I did not love her anymore, but I used to love her and I knew that she used to love me. She says that she still loves me, but I don't trust her.

She got a job outside of the parish and became a changed person. When she should have come home on her weekend off, she went somewhere else. She got involved with a taxi man. She admitted it to me. She is 29. She called me an old man and her boyfriend, the taxi man, called me old boy. I am only in my 50s. I am not old.

Whenever she came home, I could not relate to her sexually. Nothing is wrong with me, but I could not get an erection because every time I looked at her and I remembered that she was cheating, I could not have sex with her.

but my penis is not dead. I have strong erections for other women but not for her.

Pastor, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I think of her, but my mind is totally changed from her. My church says I can't marry again, but I don't want this woman back in my house. Please don't condemn me. The man that she had has left her, so she came crying back to me.

W.N.

Dear W.N.,

Your divorce has gone through. Your mind has totally changed from this woman. She disrespected you. She had another man, in her life. When she found a new man, she called you old and useless. Her lover got involved and tried to put you in your place, so to speak, by also saying that you were an old man. Don't feel guilty about what people may say. You were quite correct in divorcing her. I know that there are many people who believe that it is wrong to divorce and remarry. That is their position. It is not the position that is laid out in the Bible. What is wrong is to divorce without a cause.

Having said the above, I am not here saying that there isn't any room for forgiveness. The question is, how can you be sure that this woman would not repeat what she has done? At the moment, however, you have no desire in your heart for reconciliation, so it is better for her to stay where she is. She has made her bed hard, so she should lie in it. Don't allow her to use you. Go to your church, read your Bible, and pray, but don't be in any hurry to establish another relationship with anybody.

Pastor