Abuse survivor helping others escape domestic violence

After months of alleged physical abuse, Sherell RoseGreen decided to leave her partner after losing her first-born shortly after giving birth.

Approximately 15 years later, the 52-year-old mother of two is publicly revisiting that dark period in her life, hoping that telling what happened behind closed doors will encourage other victims of domestic violence to speak. RoseGreen said she now recognises warning signs that appeared early in her union.

“In the third month, he started controlling first, though he didn’t start physical,” she said. “Because he was my first love, I wanted it to work so bad, so I stayed.” RoseGreen said she became pregnant approximately four months into the relationship and alleged that the physical abuse continued throughout her pregnancy.

“I was never thinking about getting out at the time. When persons say love is blind, it is true,” she said. “I didn’t tell anyone because I never wanted anyone to think bad of him.”

In one particularly violent encounter, RoseGreen returned from the store where she had brought some beauty products, to find her partner looking out for her. She approached from behind and called out to him.

“He came in the house and that’s when he threw me in the brick wall. I was bleeding at the back of my head and he left me there,” she said. RoseGreen said a neighbour eventually called the police, and she was rushed to hospital where doctors discovered a serious problem involving her placenta. In another frightening and painful medical episode during the pregnancy, she visited the doctor because something felt like it “came out”.

“I thought it was my baby, but when they checked, it was my placenta that came out in my panties,” she said. RoseGreen alleged that after being treated, she contacted her partner. But instead of receiving support, she alleged that he became angry and threw her from his vehicle. She had to walk the rest of the way while still experiencing the medical emergency. After weeks of bleeding, RoseGreen eventually gave birth. Exhausted after delivery, she remembers waking and asking to see her baby. Hospital staff brought him to her.

“Then I just saw his heart stop beating, and I knew that was it,” RoseGreen recalled. The baby lived for about six hours. It is unclear whether the newborn’s death was connected to the alleged abuse.

Looking back, RoseGreen struggles with how completely she had become emotionally entangled in the relationship.

“I find the strength now, but back then I didn’t. I was very weak,” RoseGreen said. “But then I realised that this guy could have killed me, so it’s time I speak.” Her Christian faith also became central to that decision.

“I got a vision and I heard the Lord say, ‘Tell your story because a lot of persons need to hear it,’” she said.

That decision ultimately transformed RoseGreen’s private trauma into public advocacy. Today, she describes herself as an international gospel artiste, motivational speaker and author of Abused Under His Charm. She has also transformed her story into a stage play, which she hopes to bring to Jamaica in January.

“When I first told my story, persons were touched by it and were motivated,” she said. Having once hidden what was happening to her, RoseGreen now believes speaking to someone is critical for people experiencing abuse.

“If you don’t talk and say something, nothing will happen. No help will find you,” she said.

She also cautions women against remaining in violent relationships solely because children are involved.

“You are going to damage the children and they become abusers or victims,” she said.

Based on her own experience, RoseGreen also urges victims not to announce plans to leave an abusive partner, as that may place them in greater danger. Individual circumstances differ, however, and victims may require a safety plan tailored to their circumstances.

RoseGreen found it hard to trust after her relationship. Healing, she believes, should not be rushed.

“For some, it takes months and years, but you just have to take your time to recuperate. Sometimes we jump from one relationship to the next and we aren’t healed from the first one.”

She said her experience has also changed what she watches for in relationships.

“I know exactly what to look for now before I get into it,” she said, pointing particularly to controlling behaviour.

RoseGreen is now preparing for a domestic violence walk in October, where she hopes victims, survivors and others affected by abuse will participate. She hopes to bring that same advocacy to Jamaica and particularly wants families who have lost loved ones to domestic violence to participate.