Boyfriend has nasty habits
I am twenty-six years old, and I read your column whenever I can buy THE STAR, but I listen to your talk show every night. I like to hear you laugh. I am living with my boyfriend, and we hope to get married. Both of us attend church, but he has some very nasty habits. Whenever I am talking to the brothers at church, he gets very jealous, and when we go home, he likes to argue about it. I grew up in the church, and I know everybody. He started to come to the church because of me, and now he doesn't want me to keep company with them.
The ladies had a meeting, and I decided to go on Wednesday evening, and he did not want me to go. I decided that I would leave from work and go straight to the meeting. When I got home, the man started to quarrel. Pastor, I got home at nine, and the meeting started from six. I had to take the bus home. We don't have children. He could have started the dinner, but he started to shout at me instead. I told him not to shout at me and he raised his hand to hit me. I told him he would be sorry if he tried.
Everything I have in the house is mine, so I told him he could go. He said that we should divide the furniture, but he is still here because I refuse to divide the furniture. He did not put one cent when I decided to buy a dresser, the bed and a settee. He moved into this place with his clothes in a little bag. That was not a problem to me, but he is trying to control every move that I make. I told him not to come back to church. He said I can't stop him, and that is the truth, but even as I write this letter, my heart is racing when I look back at the things he doesn't want me to do.
My pastor had warned me about getting married to him, but he didn't know that we were living together. I was hoping to marry him because I did not want to live in sin. He is begging me to forgive him, but I don't trust him anymore.
You seem to be a very intelligent woman. You know when a man wants to co-operate with a woman. If you had not loved this man, you wouldn't have agreed to live with him, but he is not co-operating. He is not behaving as an intelligent young man. Imagine, both of you are not yet married and he wants to totally control you. Not that I believe that after a man is married he should control his wife. The point I am making is that the relationship does not even have any legal status and he is showing his bad colours already.
He is overly jealous, immature and insecure. He is not ready; throw him out. Why should you divide your furniture? Some people may say that he must have made some form of contribution. Perhaps he bought food, cooked and so on in the past, but let me tell you, a good man would have walked out and not demanded anything. He needs to go and start life on his own.
Don't allow any man to hit you. He attempted once, and he might do so again. And by the way, you are not his helper. When you went to the women's meeting, instead of fussing, he could have cooked you a lovely dinner and not tell you that you should not go back. He is an out-of-order man. I repeat, throw him out.