I keep having sex with my ex boyfriend


June 18, 2016

Dear pastor

I hope all is well and you are in the best of health. I must commend you on the great job you have been doing over the years. I need your fatherly advice. I was in an eight-year relationship with my boyfriend until I started hearing things about him constantly being in the presence of a particular young woman.

He denied the accusations, walked out of the house and left me. I was madly in love with this man. When he left I felt as if I was going crazy. I couldn't eat, sleep or focus. There were days I felt like I didn't even want to take a bath.

Pastor, with all of what was happening, I discovered I was pregnant. I told him. He told me he didn't care, I should have an abortion. I went to the house he was staying to see if I could speak with him, get him to change his mind because it would have been our first child.

When I got there, he was locked up in his parents' house having sex with another woman when I called him out he asked what I was doing there.

We got into a fight and I lost the baby.

With all that has happened, this man still won't let me live my life in peace. He is the one who ended the relationship.

What is weird is that this man used to beat, cheat on me and isolate me from my friends and family. Now that he ended the relationship, shouldn't I be happy that he is now someone else's problem?

I can't seem to get him out of my system or get over him. Every time we're in a secluded area we have sex.

Even after all that has happened I still take him back. I'm hurt and confused. I just need someone to talk to, to help put things into perspective for me. Please be blunt with your response.

T. B.

Dear T. B.,

This man walked out on you but, as far as he was concerned, you were still his woman.

When he walked out, he did not consider that the end of the relationship. He was only cooling out, so to speak. He did not expect you to have another man in your life, even if he had another woman. He is the typical Jamaican man, who believes a man can do anything, have a million women, but his girlfriend or wife should 'stay put'.

I understand why you went and tried talk to him. You were carrying his child and wanted to reason with him. However, it was unfortunate that when you went he had another woman with him.

I am sure you were not quiet about that. You might have said some harsh words and got into a fight.

He had no right to hit you. You were not going to back down. You know when some women get angry, anything can happen.

I think that that is what happened, both of you got out of control, engaged in a fight and you lost your baby. Your boyfriend should be ashamed of himself.

However, the love you have for him is strong and that is why you still engage in sexual intercourse whenever you meet. You are wondering why this man does not allow you your freedom. How can he when you want him back in your life? This relationship that the both of you are having is not dead. What you all don't have for each other is this thing called respect.

Respect, communication and trust are key factors in a relationship. You should both see a family counsellor and move on with your lives.


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