Way too young to think about marriage


August 12, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and have just completed sixth form, and will be attending university in September.

I have a girlfriend who is two years my senior. She is driving me crazy with her constant talks about our future, marriage, etc; and I'm not even sure I want to get married.

I think I'm too young to be walking around with a brass ball clamped to my leg like somebody's personal slave.

However, a tertiary-level institution is a whole new melting pot of beautiful women, which I think she feels threatened by (because I have done nothing but try to be the best boyfriend).

Although I may sound as if I'm already planning to cheat, I'm not. It's just that I think I'm too young to be thinking about things like: "Where are we going to buy our first house?" I still like to party and hang out with my friends, but she wants to be with me 24/7 and I feel like I'm being stifled.

I asked her for space once and she was upset for weeks. Sometimes I think she is deliberately pushing me away with all this serious talk, which is a contrast to how our relationship was in the initial stages, where we promised not to let the fun leak out of our relationship - it used to be filled with fun and laughter. Now, I'm lucky if I get a smirk.

Personally, I thought she was feeling insecure, so I saved and bought matching promise rings, but this and my many other gestures have proven futile - I caught her searching my phone.

I have four good friends and we are like brothers, but she doesn't like them. I asked them what I should do and the answer was unanimous: "Break up."

However, Pastor, I do love her; apart from her insecurities, she's awesome. Should I break up with the girl I've been with for three years, who has a lot of potential for the future and who my mother loves like a daughter? Or should I just ride it out and pray to God it is just a phase? Pastor, you can think of your answer as my final decision.

On the Brink

Dear On the Brink,

This young woman is two years older than you. She is thinking about her future and she is quite correct in wanting to know whether you are the type of person with whom she would settle down, so to speak. She is serious about the relationship.

She wants to know that her man has his goals and objectives right. She does not fully trust you. She believes that when you begin to attend university, you are going to get involved with other women. Probably you are giving her that impression by the things you say.

I believe that you should end the relationship with this young woman. Tell her that you have become very uncomfortable with her and you would like to go to university as a free man.

It is better to break her heart now than to do it later. She is likely to accept that well, because she does not trust you fully. Both of you are going in opposite directions.

You are young, but you are giving her the impression that you are a playboy. Tell her you are not sure that you will ever get married. You have written that in your letter to me.

Therefore, you should not be nervous in telling her the truth. So tell her the truth. Buying her a promise ring is to make a fool of this girl. She is more mature than you are, so she takes life more serious than you do.


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