Afraid to tell mom my girlfriend is pregnant


September 08, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for the good work you are doing. When I listen to you on the radio, I feel like I am in my home-land.

I am 29 years old and my girlfriend is 33. She is from a large family, but I am an only child and my mother grew me without a father.

My father sent money to my mother occasionally. He was a simple farmer, but my mother believes that he could have done better.

My mother has inherited property from my grandparents and she carries on a thriving business. I can say that she is prejudice.

My mother is of light complexion. My girlfriend is black and her parents are poor.

When I told my mother about her, she wasn't enthused. She started to ask me about other girls I could date.

I love this girl. She is decent and very pretty. She knows that my mother does not like her. She told me that my mother would never accept her as a daughter-in-law, but that is not true because my mother cannot tell me who to choose.

My mother likes to threaten me. She told me on many occasions that I will not get much from her if I marry any girl she doesn't approve of.

My girlfriend is presently pregnant. I have not told my mother as yet. I know how she would react. I cannot abandon my girlfriend.

I have my bachelor's degree and I am working. My mother told me that I should not leave the house and rent a place to live and I agreed. I would love to buy my own home.

Now that my girlfriend is pregnant, I would like to marry her and have our own home. I do not have enough to buy an apartment.

My mother could afford to help me with the down payment, but I would not ask her. How do you suggest that I go about letting my mother know that I got my girlfriend pregnant and I am planning to get married?

I am not confused. I love my girlfriend and I would love to have a good relationship with my mother. That is what is bothering me at the moment. Over to you, Pastor.


Dear S.E.,

Even if you had not got this young woman pregnant, you would have had to make a decision about her.

Your mother would have to either decide whether she would respect your decision or tell you not to come back to her house as long as she lives.

Sometimes folks in this country behave as if classism is dead, but it isn't. Some people who describe themselves as middle class seem to believe that they are so much better than the people from the lower-income bracket.

The black majority feel that they are in a fight to be recognised. But people of black complexion have come a long way. It is more like 'if you are black, you must stand back'.

Those days are done and they will never return, but they are few who still believe that people of light complexion must rule and must have all the say, whether it is in government or in business, etc.

You know your mother. You know that she would not accept your girlfriend, but if this is the woman you love, go ahead and marry her and be prepared to defend her at all times. She is your queen.

Remind her not to say anything negative about your mother; and you must remember that if she was good enough to have sex with, she is good enough to marry.

Tell your mother that your woman is pregnant. You are not asking for her permission to marry her. You are informing her of what you are going to do. Do not be intimidated by her threats.

Continue to be respectful to your mother. But remember, you are a grown man and you must make your own decisions. Stand on your feet and don't be a mama's boy. I wish you well.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories