Wife divorcing me because of 'poor life' in Jamaica

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column, and I have become a fan of your radio programme. I was a married man, but my wife left me and has been living in America for the past 10 years. This woman came back to Jamaica to visit. I did not know that while she was in America she started to go out with different men. And while she was doing so, she was telling me how she misses me and I should plan to leave Jamaica.

I have a good job in Jamaica. I have only been to America a couple times. Our children are also here. Unknown to me, my wife came back to Jamaica and did not inform me. The only reason why I knew that she came back here was because someone who knew us saw her and asked her for me. She told the person, "Please don't talk because he does not know that I am in Jamaica."

This person found it strange, and told another person and that person called me and told me. I did not try to find her, but she spent about two weeks in Jamaica and went back to New York.

A few months after, she advised me by phone that our relationship is not going to work, and that she can't stand the poor life in Jamaica anymore, so she will send me some documents to sign. When I got the documents, I refused to sign them. I took them to a friend who is a lawyer, and he said whether or not I sign them, I can't prevent her from divorcing me. It really hurts because I have not done this woman anything that should cause her to divorce me.

I am in a dilemma now because I am 58 years old. My children are gone, and I would love to get married again. The children are not the issue, but I am loyal to my church, and my elders say I cannot remarry as long as she is alive.

I am asking you to give me your advice. I would be much thankful to hear from you. Thank you so much for helping me.

L.T.

Dear L.T.,

Your estranged wife has deceived you. Even when she was going with other men, she was assuring you of her love for you and her desire for both of you to live happily together in the United States of America. I hate to use the word 'wicked', but that is how she appeared to be. She is a wicked woman who does not care how you feel.

She took the initiative to divorce you, and even if you did not agree, you could not stop it. Very often, what has to be established in court in certain states is that the notices must be served. I knew a man in Georgia whose wife wanted to divorce him, and as a Christian he did not believe in divorce. He attended court and kept saying to the judge that divorce is sinful and wrong, but he was wasting his time. The judge insisted that he should sign the document, so he did and walked out of court as a divorced man.

So, brother, you had nothing to do with the position your wife took. You are a free man, and as a free man, you can remarry. This is the sticky part about divorce in Jamaica and in certain churches because they believe that although a person in the church is divorced, he does not have the right to remarry. I personally differ with that position. If a person is divorced he/she may remarry.

Divorce means the end of the marriage. A divorced person is set free. The bond is broken. The divorce means to give liberty, to cut, release, etc. And in the days of Christ, there was the controversy about divorce and remarriage. It was known as the Hillel-Shammai Dispute; Hillel thought that a man could divorce his wife for any cause whatsoever. Shammai held that man could not for every cause, but for the one caused of fornication or adultery. The Jews held the position that the right to divorce was a right to remarriage, and this was accepted without question by all in Israel.

So, the practice of divorce and remarriage was accepted. And in the Book of Deuteronomy chapter 24:1-4, Moses give God's people the 'Right to Divorce and Remarriage.' The Bible says that from it was in the beginning it was not so, and we accept that. But it does not change the fact that a person can remarry after he/she is divorced, and if the procedure is properly followed.

By the way, make sure that your former wife gives to you a copy of the final decree and be sure to find out if it is authentic. You do not want to be in a situation where you receive papers saying that you are divorced and later on discover that it is not valid.

I am afraid I will have to disagree with your church, and I say to you, if you have found a woman and you are in love with her and both of you would love to be married, go right ahead, and may the Lord bless you.

Pastor