Granny thought I was trying to fight her

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and living with my mother, grandmother, sisters and my little brother. One of my sisters is 24, and the other is 20 and my brother is six years old. Both girls got pregnant right after leaving school. One day I got into a fight with the younger sister and the other week I got into a fight with the older sister. My grandmother stopped talking to me because she said I'm the problem.

Another day, one of my sisters and I got into a fight again, and my grandmother hit only me. I took the belt from her and told her not to hit me because if she is going to hit me alone, it is unfair. She then said I want to kill her because I was about to fight her. I ignored her. She stopped sharing things with me and she continued to share things with the other girls. She went overseas for a while, and brought back things and gave to everyone except me. When my younger sister told her to give me a handbag, she gave me an old one which she had long before. I did not take it.

One day I was in the yard, and I said I smelled a bad odour. She argued and said I was talking about her which I was not. She also insisted that it was her I was talking and telling others about it. Whenever I am upset I would use the word 'backside'. We grew up hearing these words around us whenever people are upset. So whenever I say the word she would say that I don't have any manners. Yet, I always hear my sisters and mother curse and use the word in front of her and she doesn't say anything. She always picks on me, and the reason why I say so is because everything I do and say, even when it doesn't concern her, she always has a problem. Often times she tells lies on me to my mother and uncle. They said I should ignore here, but she always tries to come in my way.

She curses me, and said that I did abortion, which is not true. But I think it's because I did not get pregnant like my other sisters. She always talks bad about me no matter the good I do. I bought a fan some time ago, and she complains that the fan makes noise and she can't sleep in the night because of the fan. I don't like when persons use my stuff, especially personal things and misplace them, I would curse sometimes. I said I would put a lock on my room door, and she said that if I do so she would take off the door because it's her house. Whenever there is an argument with me and anyone, she always says I should get out of her house. I am going to buy a new television and a dresser and I don't want my brother to use them because he is very destructive, so I'm going to put a lock on the door whenever I leave for work.

What do you think I should do about the door? I think she doesn't like me, do you?

J.B.

Dear J.B.,

Evidently your grandmother believes that you are disrespectful and rude to her. You don't see it that way. You believe that you are standing up for what is right and that she prefer your other siblings over you. It is not unusual for parents and grandparents to prefer one child over the other. And it is easier for them to love those who are very obedient. You are talking up for your rights, so your grandmother considers you to be a very feisty child and she would do anything in her power to put you in your place, so to speak.

You have complained to your parents and they have told you to ignore your grandmother. That is a very good advice from them. You should learn not to go toe to toe with your grandmother, and try not to get into fights with your sisters. Siblings often use things that you may consider to be personal and that often causes quarrels among themselves. But when they use items you describe as personal, they should replace them and learn to live in peace.

You should not put a lock on the door of the room which you occupy. It is not your house, it is your grandmother's house, and unless you get permission from her to do so, you should not have your way and install a lock. You would be asking for trouble. And you would be causing contention in that house, and your grandmother would have the right to remove such a lock.

I beg you to try your best to live in peace with your grandmother and your siblings. If she does not want to give you anything that she bought overseas, it is up to her. I am sure you can do without them. You are 21 years old and very soon you would be out of her house. Work hard and plan your future carefully. Even when your grandmother says negative things about you and you know that she is not speaking the truth, try not to respond. You have my prayers.

Pastor