Husband cheated after I had our baby

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 and my husband is 29. I have a baby who is nine months old. When the baby was two months old, my husband and I resumed having sex.

I was not ready, but I did not want my husband to go outside and have sex with any other woman.

I talked to my doctor and she said if I can manage, I should let him have it because we had stopped having sex when I was seven months pregnant. It would have been four months since we last had sex.

He wanted to do everything we used to do before I had the baby, including sucking my breasts.

I told him that he shouldn't suck them because the milk that I am producing is for my baby. That didn't mean anything to him.

Because I was objecting to do certain things, my husband told me that he was going to go and look another woman. I told him I was tired so he should do whatever he wanted.

He started to come home late, and when I asked him where he was, he said he had to work overtime. I did not believe him.

One day he was sleeping and his phone rang. When I answered, a young woman asked for him.

I asked her who she was and she said she was his girlfriend. She asked who I was and I said, "I am his wife".

She sounded surprised and told me that she didn't know that he was married.

My husband had told her that he was a single man. He had also been to her house and was even helping her to pay her bills.

When I told my husband about the conversation, he told me that I was the one who told him that he could go and have a girlfriend.

SLAPPED HIM

I slapped him in the face and he was stunned and walked away and left the house. He did not come home that night.

I called back the girl and asked her if my husband came there on that night and she said no.

I also asked her whether they used protection whenever they have sex, and she said she is on the pill so she can't get pregnant.

It has been four months now and I cannot have sex with my husband because of what he did to me.

My husband knows that I am a clean woman and he went to a woman he didn't know anything about and had sex with her without the condom. This woman could be having sex with other men.

I had my back turned to him one night and he was trying to have sex with me 'back way'. I told him to stop and he didn't, so I got up and picked up a pair of scissors and told him that I would cut off his penis if he didn't stop.

He got off the bed and went down on the floor and slept. I don't even have any feelings for my husband anymore. I don't feel for sex and my husband is saying that it looks as if I have a man.

I don't have a man. I told him the money he had been giving this girl to help to pay her bills, he can take it and use it for counselling, but he doesn't want to go.

My mother says that I should forgive him, but I can't come to that place as yet.

V.L.

Dear V.L.,

What I would say to you is, try and get him to go with you for counselling. Forgive him. Don't do anything to get yourself into trouble.

Put away the knives and the scissors. Remember that both of you had a good relationship in the past.

Assure him that if both of you were to go for counselling and he would change his behaviour, the marriage would continue. He should also go to the doctor and check for STIs.

Pastor