My husband has no use in bed

Dear Pastor,

You might not remember me, but I know you and you have been to my church.

I have never told you about my problems, but the last time I saw you, I was tempted to do so. You also know my husband. But you would not know that there is no intimacy between us.

This man drank heavily and wasted his money on other women. He has no use in bed, none whatsoever, and because of that I went astray.

I am having a relationship with another man; a much younger man than my husband. Some people in the community have found out and they told my husband. He asked me about it, and I had to lie and tell him that nothing like that happened. He warned me that if it is true and he can prove it, he will chop me up. So, I am scared.

This young man told me I should not be scared, so we are still going together. However, we are not having sex as often as we used to. The thing is that my husband and I have a house together. He is a respectable man in the community and people are now looking at me as a bad woman. But I am not, I just got caught up in a situation and I don’t know how to deal with it because I feel for sex often. I could help myself, but that is not enough, I need a man.

I have an adult son whom I trust. I told him that his father and I are not doing anything in the bedroom. He told me that I should take his father to the doctor. But this man does not want to go. He said he is only tired and he will get over his tiredness. He is more than tired. I am asking you what I should do.

I went to America and I bought a vibrator, but I had to hide it because I don’t want my husband to see it. Whenever I am using it, I am thinking about the young man I am involved with. I am begging you for your advice.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Somebody has to talk to your husband and encourage him to go and see a urologist.

The community in which you live is small, everybody knows each other, and it is not difficult for people to know if you are having an affair with another man. Your husband has warned you that he will chop you up. That is a threat indeed.

You have one son. Perhaps he can talk to his father and encourage him to go to the doctor and to explain to the doctor exactly what is happening, how he feels, etc. Is your husband diabetic? Does he take medication? There are certain drugs that can affect a man’s sex life. The doctor would be able to help him with whatever the problem might be.

Please, end the relationship with your boyfriend. I know your pastor, but I would not suggest that you talk to him about your problem. I know that your husband might not want you to do so, either. I will send you the name and telephone number of a urologist who you should contact.

I wish you well.

Pastor