I love performing oral sex on older women


February 24, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a big fan of your column and I have always read it in THE STAR. I have a serious problem. I am 17 years old. I have this strong love for older women and I would like to perform oral sex on them. I have been like this for as long as I can remember.

When I was at primary school, I had a liking for almost every teacher and would imagine myself having sex with them. I don't know why I am like this. I think older women are more beautiful and sexier and I love being around them. I want to be there for them as a friend, lover and more. I want to make them feel happy, young and sexy.

I am not really the outgoing type. I am shy and I don't really talk to people, so I wouldn't know how to approach an older woman. To soothe my urges, I watch pornography which features older women. However, recently I have found myself in a relationship with an older woman. She is 55 years old and she lives far from where I am living. We met on social media and that is how we communicate; and sometimes by phone. It will soon be a year since we have been communicating. We send each other nude pictures and sometimes we have phone sex. I really love her and she feels the same way. We haven't met as yet, so we have not yet had sex.

Do you think something is wrong with me for loving older women? Do you think the relationship will last? We need each other and I want to be with her, but other people might frown upon our love and think she is way too old for me. But I can't love young girls. I am not attracted to them. I only want old women. What should I do?


Dear D.S.,

Some people might believe that you are abnormal, but you are not. You might even think that way too. There are men who prefer older women and you have gone further by expressing your feelings to this woman who is 38 years older than yourself. Does this woman know that you are only 17 years old and still attending school? I would really like to know.

You said, also, that in primary school you had a liking for almost all the female teachers. Again, it is not unusual for boys to admire their female teachers and often feel sexually aroused if the teachers dress in very tight clothing, have big bust and bottom. That is why schools administrations try to encourage teachers to dress appropriately.

What is really happening to you? This older woman that you met on social media is a 'cougar' and she is grossly immoral. Only a terrible immoral 55-year-old woman would take pictures of her private parts and send to a 17-year-old young man and engage in phone sex with him. Some boys your age find it difficult to control their sexual urges so they engage in masturbation and illicit sex. They like to look at adult films.

Every young man has to learn to control his sexual urge. If he doesn't, he might get into trouble. What I am trying to say to you is that you have to learn how to control your sexual desires. No one can stop you from admiring older women, but you can be encouraged to stop this kind of relationship that you are having with this woman and watching pornography.

I do not wish to be hard on you because I do understand that you are struggling as an adolescent and what you are going through, and you are seeking answers concerning your sexuality. According to Alexandra Katehakis MFT, "The onset of puberty brings drastic changes in the life of adolescent boys.

"Their hormone levels spike, their bodies go through many changes signalling a transition from boyhood to manhood, and their curiosity about sex and sexuality accelerates. It can be a time of great curiosity and great confusion because boys' budding sexuality opens them up to many questions, fantasies and urges that have not existed before. Adolescent boys have historically sought out information about sex through friends, family members and pornography, hoping that this knowledge will fulfil their new-found curiosity and urges. But in today's digital world, most adolescents turn to porn for answers and pleasure, and when porn becomes an adolescent boy's primary mode of sexual education, it can be harmful to his brain's sexual development.

"When an adolescent boy compulsively views pornography, his brain chemistry can become shaped around the attitudes and situations that he is watching. Sadly, pornography paints an unrealistic picture of sexuality and relationships that can create an expectation for real-life experiences that will never be fulfilled.

"Also, 85 per cent of female porn stars have breast implants, and 100 per cent of the pictures of porn centrefolds have been enhanced."

This is good information for you, and I hope that you will take time to grow up and not feel that you have to engage in sexual intercourse or to watch porn, etc, to be a real man. The time will come when you will find it very easy to talk to women about sex, whether they are young or old.


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