My church deacon is interested in a relationship


February 25, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a 63-year-old woman. My husband died four years ago. It took me a while to get accustomed to living alone without a man. My daughter was living with me but she got married a year ago. I have a great son-in-law. He cares about me. Every day he calls to check up on me. Even when my daughter doesn't call, he calls.

There is a deacon in my church. His wife died recently (six months ago to be exact), and this man wants to have a relationship with me. I told him it is too soon for him to be looking a woman because people would say that he and I were together when his wife was alive. He laughed and told me that we were not together but he was always looking to his left where I sit in church and admired me.

I told my daughter that the man wants me and she is glad. He has his own home and I have my own home. I don't want anything that he has and I don't want him to come and claim anything that I have. I just want company. He carries himself very well and he dresses well. We have not gone out together. I am still afraid of what people may say. My daughter told me I should not worry about what people would say, instead I should think about my own feelings. She said her daddy would be pleased with this man.

I have never had sex with anybody since my husband died. I don't know how that would feel. I know my sexual feelings are not dead because sometimes my vagina jumps, and people say that when your vagina jumps that means you want to have sex. I don't know if that is true.

I told the man who loves me to give me time to think. He told me not to take too long. Why is he in such a hurry and his wife died just a few months ago? I really want to know.


Dear G.C.,

I do not think that you should be worried about what people would say about you and this gentleman who is interested in marrying you. Both of you know each other well and you attend the same church. He has been admiring you for a long time and unknowingly to you he made up his mind long ago to be your husband if you would accept his


Your daughter believes that it's a wonderful idea. I would say, therefore, go for it. Make sure,

however, that you discuss this matter with a lawyer. Protect your assets and encourage him to do the same. Discuss this matter of assets with your daughter. And, please, do attend premarital counselling. You were married for many years and this man was also married for many years but this is a new relationship and you should not see him in the same light as you saw your husband. And he should not look at you as taking the place of his former wife.

I would further suggest that this man and you inform the pastor of the church that you are interested in each other. It will prevent unnecessary gossip from going around.

Concerning the jumping of your private part, I do not have any comment to make. Perhaps you can ask a medical practitioner to give you an answer. Don't always accept what people say. They may say things in order to lead you astray.


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