My boyfriend answered his phone during sex


February 26, 2016

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend and I have been arguing over little things. We cannot agree. He makes a big fuss over everything and accuses me of doing the same.

I fuss with him over his women. He is always fussing with me about things in the house. He says I am not tidy, don't make up the beds and fail to wash dishes after I eat.

I told him that is so because it is only the both of us, so I don't always have to make up the bed, because we are going to go right back into it.

He has girlfriends who call him in the middle of the night. He wants to stay in the bed and talk to them. I told him it is not right.

Once, I grabbed his phone from him and told the girl he was sleeping with a woman, so she should not call him 11:30 at nights.

Several times when we were having sex, he stopped and answered the phone. The last time he did that he wanted to continue to have sex. I said no. I told him to go to the girl who had just called him. He wasn't pleased, but I was determined to teach him a lesson.

He told me he is not having sex with these girls. He is an entertainer, so he claims these girls are calling him to discuss business.

Sometimes I feel neglected. I cannot go with him to the places he likes or wherever he has to go. He is not jealous, but says I am jealous.

Sometimes when we go out I see women hugging and kissing him. I can't take that so I don't go.

I don't have a problem with money, he gives me that. If I want to go to see my parents in the country and tell him early, he likes to take me. He enjoys country trips. It is also a good time for us to talk about our future and where we will buy land.

I almost lost my boyfriend because he did something in my presence that I did not like. I used an expletive. He told me that if I should do that again, he would leave me.

I try not to be aggressive, but it is so hard because I grew up with three sisters and one brother, and my mother was always curing my father and my two sisters' father. She didn't love men, but, at the same time, we knew she was involved with men because we had three different fathers.

My mother would curse bad words to describe the men, who were not supporting her children.

Pastor, help me to get over my selfish behaviour and jealousy.


Dear Y.F,

As I see it, your boyfriend has to learn that you need your time with him. I am talking about quality time. Evidently he is very busy, but when both of you are together others should not interrupt.

Although he is in the entertainment business, he should inform them that they should not call anytime they wish to do so.

You have a right to speak out against these persons who call him late into the night.

Evidently, either they don't know he is living with you or don't respect him or you.

They are wrong. You have a right to protest and object to this sort of behaviour.

It is your boyfriend who should let everyone know that after certain time at nights they should not call. Perhaps 11:00 p.m. should be the latest.

You and your boyfriend have to learn to respect each other. I must also add that you have learned from your mother not to show much respect to men, so you might be a little aggressive in the way you approach or talk to him, communicating with him, in general.

On the other hand, when you attack, he might just ignore you, which would make you angry. The lack of good communication is the big problem here. Stop blaming each other. Learn to listen to each other without interrupting. Make sure when your boyfriend speaks, you hear and understand. When your he says something to you, make sure he repeats it, so you do not misunderstand.

Don't try to win an argument nor always be willing to compromise. He should always remember he is not always right. You should remember you are not always right.

I hope you are employed. If you are not, seek employment. Try to get your man to take some time off. When people are self-employed, as he is, they do not often go on vacation.

Communication, respect and trust are foundations of building a good relationship. Don't accuse each other of wrong. Your boyfriend has many girlfriends, but that does not necessarily mean he is having sex with them.

When you both are tired, do not discuss any matter at all. Try your best not to threaten each other. Remember neither of you are perfect, so always be ready to forgive each other.


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