My friend slept with her past student

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and my man is 45. We have been living together for five years.

I have a girlfriend who was kicked out by her boyfriend after he suspected that she was cheating. She had already been divorced. She didn’t have anywhere to go. She asked my boyfriend if she could spend some time with us. I could not see my friend suffer, so I encouraged my boyfriend to take her in. She has a job, so we allowed her to live with us for free. Whatever we cooked, she ate.

When she came to live with us, everything was going okay. We observed that she was losing weight and we encouraged her to visit the doctor. She admitted to me that she cheated on her man with one of her past students. He was just 21. He wrote her a letter and her boyfriend saw it. She admitted that to me. She had the letter in a folder on her desk at home. Her boyfriend saw it and read it. The young guy told her how sweet she was and it was the first time he was having sex with an older woman. He added that he would love for them to have sex again.

Her boyfriend asked her about the man and she said that she didn’t know the name, but he was able to tell her who the guy was. She said when she and her boyfriend went to bed, he said that he felt like killing her, but he didn’t because his parents were alive and he wouldn’t want to give his mother a heart attack. He told her that she had to leave his house but she said that the house belongs to both of them. He insisted that he would buy her share. Her friend is in real estate, so they made an arrangement that they would part in peace, but then she changed her mind and decided not to sell her share to him. But she could not back out because the agreement had already been signed. Her boyfriend cursed her and told her to leave. She was afraid for her life, so she packed up and came to us.

While she was here, I had to watch her because she became too friendly with my boyfriend. He had to remind me that she is my friend, so he would not get involved with her. My boyfriend does not have hair on his head and one day she was rubbing his head. I called out to her and she said “I like bald-headed men.” I told her that I don’t trust her with my man. My boyfriend was very upset with me for saying that because she went into her room and cried. I did not apologise because, the way I see it, if a teacher could be in her 40s and be having sex with a man who is in his early 20s, she would have sex with any other man. How do you see that? I forgave her for rubbing my man’s head, but I have not apologised for telling her how I feel. I have been looking around for another place that she can buy. She told me that she took the young man to the north coast so they could have sex.

Don’t you agree that this woman doesn’t have much ambition? Apart from having sex with this young boy, what can he do for her? Nothing. She has lost a good man. My boyfriend and I know the man very well and, before they signed the documents to separate from each other, we talked to him and he said he would not want her back in his life. We feel sorry for her. She has destroyed her life.

B.

Dear B.,

This teacher was really careless. Evidently she fell in love with her student and the student was all excited and happy that he was able to be intimate with his teacher.

He wrote the letter to express how delightful it was for him to be with her and he wanted another opportunity. How could she be so careless to keep that letter after she had read it? The man with whom she lived was shocked to know that she had an affair with such a young person and decided that they should part ways. Your man and you did a good thing by taking her in. She admitted what she did with this young fellow, so you did not trust her with your man. When she rubbed your man’s head, you spoke up and embarrassed her.

This woman has made terrible mistakes. She lost her partner and he has decided that he does not want her and will never go back to her. Please continue to encourage her and help her to purchase another apartment. It is not going to be easy for her. Forgive her for her mistakes. I don’t blame you for protecting your relationship, but don’t condemn this girl. Continue to be her friend.

Pastor