Afraid my boyfriend will marry his pregnant side chick

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old female, and I have been living with a man for the past three and a half years. We have a son together. I like this man. When I met him, I was attending a church. I did not want to get involved with a man, but I was forced to because my living condition at home was not good.

You can say I was living in the ghetto.

This man promised me everything that was good. I fell in love with him. Every weekend we met. I felt proud to have my boyfriend coming to see me in his car. Most of my friends who lived in the community had to travel on taxi to go out. This man spoke to my parents and told them that he would take care of me.

After going out with him for six months, we started living together. He told me that he would like to settle down and have children. It has been nearly four years and he is yet to propose marriage. Whenever I remind him of what he told me, he says that I don’t need to worry. He said we are very happy together so there is no need to be in such a hurry.

I told him I want to go back to church, and he said he is not stopping me. He also says that too many of his friends got married, only for their union to end in divorce. He insists that we are living better than his friends who are married.

I am very worried now because I have found out that this man has got another woman pregnant. He cannot deny that he and this woman are involved. Both of them are working at the same company. He takes her home after work. When I asked him why he has to take her home, he told me that he was only trying to be helpful. Now, she is pregnant for him.

My brother, who also works with the company, told me that the pregnancy is showing and everybody knows that he is responsible for the pregnancy. He is not denying that he got the woman pregnant.

When I was told that the woman was pregnant, I asked him and he said he was not sure that she was pregnant for him. She is 30 years old and this is her first child. Now he is telling me that it is a mistake, and he is not going to leave me. I believe I should leave him.

When I told him I wanted to leave he said I am not going anywhere. When he gets home in the evenings, he expects me to have his dinner ready. He also still wants us to have unprotected sex. I do not know what to do.

My brother asked him if he is going to marry the woman who is now pregnant for him and he said no. He said anybody who he is giving the ring must be me. But I am confused. I am not working, but his new baby mother has a good job in the company, so she has something over me.

This man told me he has made a mistake. He is not denying anymore that he has got the woman pregnant. I don’t know what to do and that is why I am writing to you for your advice.

M

Dear M.,

This man took you from the ghetto, and it seems to me that he put you into a much better environment. He promised to marry you, but he has not kept his word. His promises have fallen flat.

When men are not eager to get married, they often remind their spouses that many people who were married are now divorced. So they should not be concerned about getting married. It is a very foolish argument because there are many who got married and are still together. And they do not intend to seek a divorce. Many who are divorced would love to get back together.

This man is not saying he will not marry you, but he is telling you to wait. The question is, how long should you wait. He has now complicated the situation by getting another woman pregnant. This woman is much older than you. He is a careless man. Therefore, you need to stop having unprotected sex with him because he may impregnate you again.

You also need to seek a job and put yourself in a position where you can support yourself and not rely on this man for financial support.

Pastor