Ready to marry my former brother-in-law

Dear Pastor,

I am a 45-year-old woman and I have been living in America for 15 years.

My sister and her husband were living in Jamaica. We were very close. Unfortunately, my sister died. She and her husband did not have children together but he fathered a child when he was in his early 20s. In recent times, this man and his son became close. His mother was married and my brother-in-law got together with her and this child was born.

This man and my sister have a lovely home in Jamaica. He is now in his 60s. He came to visit me and other relatives who live in America. He spends most of his time at my house. We were always good friends, but our friendship grew deeper while he was here with me. I found myself admiring this man. One day he asked me whether I would consider marrying him. I said to him, “‘So and so’, you might be losing your mind to think that I would marry my sister’s husband.” He said to me your sister has passed on and he said he believes that wherever she is, she will be happy to know that I was taking care of him.

We were playing checkers and we made a big joke about it. We had drinks and then I went to bed. He also went to his room. But I could not sleep. I have never been married and I kept wondering what it would be like to have this man in my bed. How would my relatives feel about us becoming lovers? My mother is still alive. I called her and told her what this man said and she wanted to know whether he was serious; I told her yes. She laughed about it. I have not had sex in years. I had an American boyfriend, but I was forced to break up with him years ago because he spent money foolishly and I always had to give him money.

But back to my former brother-in-law. One day I went out and when I returned, he had cooked oxtail, bought champagne and had set the table. I knew that this man was up to something. I showered, and we sat down, ate and played music. He was always a good dancer, so we danced. He was determined to sleep with me that night. I was not drunk. I knew what I was doing. The man turned me on and then he turned me over. There was no part of my body that he did not play with and I gave myself to him. Then he said “You have answered my question, you will marry me.” I said “Hell yes!”

He went back to Jamaica and put up his house for sale. We are not yet married, but we are making plans to do so. Many people here do not know that he was my brother-in-law. If my sister and this man had children, I would not have accepted his proposal. We are planning to get married in November. Do you think that I am doing anything wrong?

B.

Dear B.,

This man and you have fallen in love. It appears that you are convinced that he loves you and you love him.

I can only suggest therefore that both of you should spend some time with a marriage counsellor before you tie the knot. I want to wish both of you well and I hope that you would keep in touch with me.

Pastor