Ungrateful relatives not helping me bury my dad

Dear Pastor,

I want to put a matter before you and get your comments. I am a 40-year-old man and I grew up with both parents.

My father was a very generous man. He used to assist many relatives. He had two brothers who were on the wild side. They had many girlfriends. They got them pregnant but did not support their children. These guys used to party a lot. Their babyfathers used to come to see my father who then supported the children. He used to say that he doesn’t want to know that these children are carrying the family name but are suffering. My mother used to quarrel with my father. She used to say that he was taking on too much. He was a good father. He supported my mother and he sent all of us to school. Some of my relatives who he supported in school have done very well and are in good jobs.

My father became ill and these children that he helped never given us anything to assist him. Unfortunately, our father died. We were hoping that they would help us with his funeral, but they did not give us a cent. But they were looking forward to a bashment type of funeral. If my father had a voice in preparing his funeral service, he would consider what they want as a big waste of money. These relatives are calling us mean, but I know that my mother will have needs and no one, apart from members of our immediate family, will give her anything. The only mistake that we know we made when our father was alive was not to insure his life, so that we would have money to bury him. My father died leaving more than $3 million in the bank.

Since my mother heard how people are saying that we are mean, she told us that we can take out the money and use it for funeral expenses. We the children say no, she should let the money remain in the bank and we will bury our father without the help of relatives.

R.

Dear R.,

I am sorry that you have lost your father. I have come to realise that it can be very costly to bury a loved one.

People are asking for nine nights and those carry a very heavy cost. Then there is what you call the setup. Friends and relatives expect the family members to bring in special musicians and singers and to cook curry goat and rice, and to serve soft drinks, etc. The casket has to be classy, otherwise people would say that such and such was not put away in the way he deserved to be buried.

I encourage everyone to try and have an insurance plan that would assist the family when a loved one dies. But even that can create a problem because when it is known that there was an insurance policy, there are family members who would not give anything towards the funeral. Instead, they look forward to receiving money to put in their pockets when the insurance policy is paid out.

Do your best to plan intelligently for your father’s funeral service. Do not allow your mother to spend the money that your father left for her. You do not have to follow tradition. If there is no money for a bashment funeral, don’t put yourself in debt to have one.

Pastor