My two brothers raped me
I have been reading your column for years. Please keep up the good work. I am 20 years old. As a child growing up, I had a very rough life. At age seven my brother held me down and forced me to have oral sex with him. Between 10 and 12 I was sexually abused by my two brothers, who were 19 and 20 years old. I became pregnant at age 12, but I lost the baby.
My mother wasn't in my life. I was living with my father since I was a baby. I know my mother, but she doesn't care about me. I missed out three years of school. We were very poor and the Child Protection and Family Services Agency started to assist my father. He was getting $15,000 every month for me to go to school and I wasn't going to school for weeks and months.
At age 14, I was raped by a man who drove a van. I was in need of things such as clothes, panties, shoes, etc, so I started to sleep with men for money. The last time I checked it was 32 men that I have had sex with.
At age 16, I met a guy online and my dad sent me to Kingston to meet him. I was alone. He treated me badly. I was with him for three years. I had other men with him. I took care of him, but we are not together anymore. Now, he is sorry and wants me back, but I don't want him anymore.
My father did not allow me to go anywhere; just home, school and shop. But, he was OK with me going to live at a man's house at age 16. Whenever I got money, I would give him half of it. My father knew that my brothers were having sex with me. One day he caught one of my brothers having sex with me and he cursed, and that was it. He even blamed me for it.
My brothers were still living at the house. I was very tired and uncomfortable. I tried killing myself six times. My father can't read, and he would make me text his woman at midnight. He woke me up to read text messages from her. My father would push his finger in my mouth, and he would slap me on my bottom.
FATHER DID NOT BELIEVE ME
My father called to a woman in front of me and asked her for sex. She cursed him for doing that in front of me. Whenever he worked and didn't get his pay, he would send me for the money at the man's house, and before the man gave me the money, he would hold me down and have sex with me. When I told my father what happened, he did not believe.
One day my father came home and said that a man next door was calling me. I went and he had sex with me. We ended up having a relationship. He was 42 years old. One day he came over to my father's house, and it was very late. I told him to go home, and he said he was not going home. So I told my father to tell him to go home and my father hissed his teeth and ran me away. So, the man slept at the house that night and a number of times after.
When I became 18, my father told me that I should leave his house because I am of age. So, I left and I was with a different guy for one year, and he didn't want to help me. This guy never bought me a panty, so I cheated on him and he found out. He had some dirty ways and he was lazy and hardly wanted to work. I hated him.
One day my godmother who lives in the United States sent me money to go back to school. I wanted to do nursing, but he refused to help me.
Now I am 20 years old, and I am in St James with a different man. He treats me very well. He is 35 years older than I am. He lives in the US but I am at his house. I can't trust him. I made someone text him, and it was a disgrace what he said. He said he was single and he wants a relationship with the person. I am here not going to school. He wants a child. He promised to send me back to school when he comes home because he has a 13-year-old daughter, and I can't leave her alone. I am taking care of her but right now, I am very stressed because she is very rude. I don't allow her to go on the road. Sometimes I take her out.
Her mother isn't in her life so I am doing my very best. I love this child so much. I do everything that a mother would do. My problem is that I can't manage her. She doesn't listen to me, so I told her father that the relationship is finished. I am waiting until he comes home.
At this point, I don't want any more relationships, but I don't have anywhere to go. I don't want to go back to my father's house. Right now, I just want to kill myself. I am tired of my life. I have no one and no help. I hate my father.
I can see that you come from a dysfunctional family. Your father did nothing to protect you.
I believe what you have written. Your father should have disciplined your brothers. As you said, he was aware that they were having sex with you and he caught one of them doing so, and instead of dealing with the matter, he blamed you.
He prostituted you and got financial benefits from doing so. But I want you to know that if you are willing to put the past behind you and go back to school, you can have a bright future. Some folks might be quick to condemn you after reading your letter, but I refuse to do so, and I can assure you that I will do my very best to assist you.
I have sent you an email. I hope you would respond to the email I have sent you. You are now living at a man's house and taking care of his daughter. Try your very best not to get involved with any other man. And when this man comes back to Jamaica, deal with his firmly.
Please, don't contemplate suicide. Pray and read your Bible. Go to church. I wish to invite all readers of this column to pray for you.