This man refuses to do an HIV test

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I am friendly with a man who told me how much he loves me.

He is 36 years old. When he met me, he told me that he used to have many girlfriends, but, now that he has met me, he is in love with me and he would love to settle down with me. He asked me if I was involved with anybody; I told him no and I meant it. He said he didn’t believe what I told him because, how could such an attractive girl not have anybody in her life? I told him everybody is not the same.

We kept in touch and grew closer. I found him to be a good conversationalist. Then he wanted us to start going on dates and I went out with him a couple of times. But he wanted our relationship to go deeper and, when I say that, I mean he wanted us to go to bed. I told him no. I told him that, because he had many girlfriends in the past, I wanted him to do an HIV test. He said he didn’t have to do that because every girl he used a condom with every girl he slept with. I asked him if he has ever done a test to prove whether or not he is free from AIDS and he said no. I told him that is the test I want to see.

The man promised that he would get it done. One day, he told me that he was going to do it. So, the next time we talked, I asked him about the test and he said that he could not go because he was called to do duty, but he would get it done. At the same time, he wanted us to have sex. It has been four months since he told me for sure that he would go and do the test. I told him I will go with him and do the test, too, though I got one done a few months ago. I told this man that I am giving him until the end of September to bring proof to me that he is not suffering from any sexually transmitted disease.

Pastor, do you think I am wrong to insist that this man show me proof that he is clean? I cannot love a liar and, although he is a very handsome guy, I cannot go to bed with him unless I know for sure that he does not have AIDS or any sexually transmitted disease. He has invited me out to events, mostly to birthday parties, but I do not go alone with him. I am sorry to say, but I don’t trust this man and I make sure that I am not the last person to be dropped home. He says I do not trust him and, the truth is, I do not.

Do you think I should continue this relationship?

F.

Dear F.,

This man is not sure of himself. He is afraid to be tested. He should be happy to go to the clinic or to wherever the tests are given.

He cannot be trusted, so you would be a fool to go to bed with such a man. He should remember that he told you that he had multiple girlfriends and you figured that means that he has had sex with multiple women.

I am only saying here, I agree with you. Please protect yourself. You are a smart girl. Don’t allow your heart to rule your head.

Pastor