Still haven’t seen my wife naked

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and recently married a young woman I have admired for about two years.

We have been attending the same church and we got to know each other well. I must admit that there were other girls who I liked, but they were not as dedicated as she is. When I started to talk to her, I realised that she was a virgin. I was excited about that. We have good jobs. She grew up with her parents. Her father is a deacon of our church. My grandmother raised me. I am the son of a single mother who had to go abroad because she was just doing domestic work in Jamaica. My grandmother tried her best with me and I love her.

Before I got into the church, I played around with many girls. But, when I met my wife and we became serious in our relationship, I dropped the other girls. We went for counselling and our pastor told us that we should not stay engaged for long; we should get married. I asked her if she would have sex with me before we got married and she said no. I told her I would like to try, but she didn’t agree. We got married in a simple ceremony. There were 15 guests.My mother sent me a suit but she did not attend the wedding. I don’t want to say why because it is not that she didn’t want to come, but, because of circumstances, it was not wise for her to travel. She sent me some money to use for a honeymoon. My father-in-law also gave us some money to pay the hotel for one week.

We got married in the morning and, by 2 p.m., we were at the hotel. After supper, we went back to our room. I was eager to make love to my bride, but she said we should wait until it was dark. I asked her why and she told me she did not want me to see her naked. I could not understand. I hugged her and tried to remove her blouse and she bit me. I slapped her and that made matters worse. For the entire night, she didn’t allow me to touch her.

I apologised for slapping her. But, the following day, she did not take off her clothes so that I could see her. She went into the bathroom, showered and came out dressed. I asked her if she had not forgiven me for slapping her and she said that had nothing to do with it. I started to wonder if something was wrong with her. For two days, I did not know whether she was a woman or a man. The second night when she came on the bed, she made sure that the lights were off. I made sure that I did not have on any clothes.

This woman did not allow me to look at her for the entire week. She went under the sheet. I pulled it off a couple of times and she used her hands to cover her private parts. She said that she does not believe that I should be looking at her. I called my grandmother and told her what I was going through. She said I should give her time. It is now more than six months and I have never seen my wife naked. She insists that the lights must be turned off before we have sex. What do you suggest I should do?

P.

Dear P.,

I want you to understand that there are some women who are so holy that they believe that nobody, not even their husbands, should see them naked.

Years ago, I was asked to speak at a conference in America. One of the delegates told me that he was married for years and he had never seen his wife in the nude. I asked him if he was serious and if he expected me to believe that and he said yes. The man said he had never seen his wife naked. I wanted to know whether he accepted that and he said yes. Well, other male delegates at the conference laughed at him and told him that was not something they could support. The brother said he did not know what to do; he wasn’t happy. To cut a long story short, this man could not deal with the matter any more; he and his wife got divorced.

I have mentioned this to tell you that, when two people get married, their bodies belong to each other. No part of their bodies should be hidden from each other. If your wife continues to play the fool, this marriage will end in divorce. So, both of you should find a marriage counsellor.

Pastor