Tempted to help my broke babydaddy


November 02, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I would like to let you know how much I read your column and listen to you at nights. I am 25 years old, and I have two children. The father of my children and I broke up. When I had my first child, I was so in love with this man. I wouldn't listen to anybody. He wasn't working, but that did not prevent me from loving him.

My father, who is a businessman, employed him, but he would turn up for work late and wouldn't pull his weight on the job. So, he was fired. I made a mistake by getting pregnant for him the second time. He was doing odd jobs. I tried to encourage him to go back to school, but he said that he did not need an education; what he needed was money. We needed money to pay the bills, I told him. But without an education, he may not get a good job.

I moved out of my father's home, and I rented a two-bedroom house from a friend. He would come there and want to sleep, eat and drink. And I told him that that could not work.

I got involved with another man, and this man decided to help me. I told my children's father that the relationship between the both of us was over. He would stalk me. Everywhere I turned, I would see him. I talked to the new guy about it, and he decided to start picking me up and taking me home and to work.

He started to sleep with me at nights, and finally, he moved in totally. We are now married. Sometimes I feel sorry for my children's father because he is a nice man. Sometimes I think that he may do something foolish because he is a lonely man. I do not even allow him to take the children to spend time with him.

My husband and I will take the children to his mother to visit and go back for them. I told him that he should go to the doctor and check himself out, but instead, he said that I am the one who needs to see the doctor.

I know this guy still loves me. I am tempted sometimes to offer him some financial help, but I wouldn't want my husband to know. Do you think I can give his mother an envelope with money to give him sometimes?


Dear C.G.,

Please do not offer this man any assistance without the consent of your husband. Don't hide anything about this man from your husband. I do not believe that your husband would be pleased to know that you are giving this man financial help. He needs to go and get himself a job.

You are fortunate to have a good husband. Don't do anything to displease him. Make sure that your children meet with their father from time to time.

Take care of your family and yourself.


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