My boyfriend doesn't want to get married yet


November 05, 2018

I hope you are in good health. I have been reading your column since I was a little girl. I am now in my 30s and I am having a relationship with a man who is seven years younger than me.

I really love this man, and I would like to get married and go to church. We have been together for more than three years.

Pastor, the problem is that he's not ready to get married. I already have two kids and he does not have any. He treats me really nice; he does not disrespect me or my kids in any way.

His family loves me and my family also loves him. There is nothing that I want that he doesn't give me. He said I am his first love and he has made so many changes to make me happy.

We live apart, but he comes to my home most of the week, then goes home. I know he's not cheating because I have no evidence of that.

We have been through some rough times in the past, and now we are trying to work things out. I wanted to go to church so badly; I left him for six months.

I thought he would come, but he didn't. People always say that if the man loves you he will follow you to church, but he said I neglected him.

Life started to get hard for me and I met another man who did really nice things for me around my house and yard, and offered to marry me. He lost his job, so I tried to help him get another one.

Soon after, I found out that he was a lunatic. He tried to kill me, accusing me of sleeping around. I was in fear for my life.


By the grace of God, this man was removed from my house, life and from my community. I was so hurt and ashamed, I felt like I was too desperate.

My boyfriend took me back after all that and we tried our best to make it work, but I realised that I came to the same place again because I want to get married so much.

Men see me as an easy target. They think I need a man living at my house so much that they pretend they are nice to get in my life.

Pastor, I love my boyfriend so much. I don't know when he will be ready for marriage.

I was a Christian before. I want to live as a good Christian, and live a happy married life. I want to set a good example for my kids; I don't want them to see men hopping in and out of my life. Can you pray for us?

What should I do? Should I leave this man and go and serve the Lord, or wait until he is ready? He says he wants to marry me someday. Hopefully soon. I am afraid of dying in sin. I await your response.


Dear K.L.S.,

You have a desire to serve the Lord. But life for you has not gone smoothly. You don't need a man to serve the Lord. You should go to church and commit yourself to Christ and do what God wants you to do.

And if it is God's will, he will provide a man for you in his own time. Too many women give the impression that they can't serve God unless they get married. Such women are not being wise.

I know that it's a beautiful thing for a man and his wife to attend church together. But a person is responsible for himself or herself. So if a man does not want to go to church and the woman wants to serve the Lord, she should not wait on him.

In fact, it might even become necessary for her to leave him. There are some men who will not attend church, but they would not prevent their women from attending.

This guy that you have in your life right now is fooling around. He is not serious about life or you. You said that you want to set a good example for yourself and your children, so do what is right.

And if he is serious about you and not trying to fool you, he may, and I say 'may,' decide to marry you.

I will tell you this; if you allow him to have sex with you whenever he feels, he will not be in any hurry to marry you. I hope you understand that.


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