My wife is sleeping with her babydaddy


November 12, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem and I am writing to you for your help. I am a 29-year-old man and I am married. My wife had two children by two different men before we got married. She attends church. When I met her, she invited me to church, and I went. I was impressed with her because she sang on the choir and wore long skirts.

In her church, it's a big thing for a woman to have skirts just below her knees. She even insisted that her little girl wear skirts which are below her knees. This woman is three years older than I am. People who knew her tried to tell me that I should be careful. Her best friend told me that I shouldn't marry her because every man in the community knows about her. But I said even if she was that type of person, she is saved and changed now.

I don't make a lot of money, and I told her that I didn't have much

savings. The account I had, my mother's name is in it. She told me that I should take out my mother's name and put her name, but I did not agree. We opened an account together. She was an office assistant. Whenever I get my pay, I give her a certain amount to put in the account. She said her child's father wanted to come back to her. I told her to make up her mind about what she was doing. She said he said he did not want his child to grow up under a stepfather. He stopped supporting the child when she told him that we were going to get married. He started to support her again after we got married. I did not know she was meeting him behind my back and even going to his house. She said the reason why she was going to his house was to get the money from him.

We got married, but that didn't stop her from having a relationship with this man. When she should come home from work, she goes by his house.

Pastor, one day I decided to look in her bag when she came home. So as soon as she came home and went into the kitchen, I opened her bag and I saw soap, a wet rag and underwear and a pack of condom with two missing. That confirmed that she was having sex with somebody because we don't use condoms when we are having sex because I am trying to get her

pregnant. I quickly closed her bag,

and I went outside and sat down,

wondering what was going on.

In the night she went into the bathroom. She washed the underwear and the rag I saw in her bag and hung them up. My mind is changed from this woman. I am sure she is giving me 'bun', and I believe it is with the child's father. If it is not with him, it is with another man. I can't talk to her about this man. Anything I say, she tells me that I am too jealous. I don't attend church often again. She calls me a backslider. I don't want to tell anybody in the church why I don't come back there, but she is the reason why I stopped going to church. I would like to hear from you about this problem.


Dear A.G.,

You suspected that your wife is having an intimate relationship with her child's father. You were looking for proof, and you thought that what you saw in her bag was just that. Perhaps you should have said something to her, but you didn't. She is denying that she is having sex with her child's father, but she goes to him to collect money for the child.

I suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor. I don't know how she is going to deal with the matter of the pack of condom. I could tell you for sure that you should not stop attending your church because of the conduct of your wife. The church should not be blamed because your wife might be having an affair.

You may tell your wife that she should have the fathers of these children deposit the money for their support into an account. That should prevent her from visiting this man's home. Again I say, both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor.


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