Afraid my girlfriend is giving me bun


November 20, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am living in the US and I have a girlfriend in Jamaica. She has a child, but it is not mine. I am responsible for the child because, when I met her, the child's father was not treating her well.

So I encouraged her to leave him. It is my responsibility to take care of her. The child has been attending prep school and doing well.

I am paying the rent for my girlfriend, which is $36,000 every month. It is a two bedroom place, plus I send her money for herself. She wasn't working for about a year, but she is working now. She has been complaining that she is tired of walking and travelling on the bus, so she wants me to buy her a car.

I told her to hold on and save some money because in a year or so, I would like to come back to Jamaica and marry her and then apply for her and the child to come and live with me.

She wants to get married, but she still feels that I should buy her a car; and when the time comes for her to live in the US, we could sell the car.

All along I thought that this woman was faithful to me. But my brother, who lives in Manchester, checked on her one evening and saw a man sitting only in a merino and shorts.

She was so surprised to see my brother; she asked him why he didn't call. He told me she was very nervous when she saw him.


He asked her who the man was and she said he was a friend who dropped by to see her. My brother said that he looked more than an ordinary friend.

I love her and I don't want to condemn her, but my brother told me that I should be careful and don't waste my money because she might be giving me 'bun'.

I have a babymother in the US and I told her about my Jamaican girl. I support my child, but we do not have sex.

Many times I feel for sex, so I masturbate because my heart is on this girl in Jamaica.

I asked my girlfriend if she has a boyfriend in Jamaica and she said no. Do you think I should ask her about the man my brother saw in the house?

My babymother is an American but I want to marry someone from 'yard'. Please tell me what you think about this relationship.


Dear C.N.,

I think your brother was quite correct in telling you what he saw and for giving you a word of caution.

Why was this man sitting in the house that you are paying for every month in a merino and shorts?

That is not the way an 'ordinary' visitor would dress.

Mark you, I could be wrong. I hate to think that we might be accusing her of something she is not doing but, I repeat, your brother is right in telling you what he saw.

But it is not right for me to tell you to walk away from this relationship until you hear more.

Unless you have more information that would cause you to feel that this woman is cheating on you, you should remain in the relationship.


You are a good man, and you are trying to support your woman and her child. You should not stop doing so. But I would not encourage you to purchase a car for this woman.

You are already spending a lot of money to give her a comfortable place to live. She could do without the car.

If both of you are really planning to get married, you should save towards that, and also put away money to file for her to come to live with you.

You are going to need to prove to immigration that you are capable of supporting her and the child.

So don't entertain the thought of buying this woman a car and please, sir, do not stay away very long from this woman.

You need to visit her regularly and, I repeat, if you are convinced that she has another man drop her like 'hot bread'.


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