He got married after forcing me to do an abortion


November 21, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 20s, and I am confused. I do not know what to do. I have been with this man for over five years. I was with a partner before him, but he told me to leave the guy, and I did. This is a prominent man and he has children.

When I was in my teen, I was going head over heels for him, but then my love for him got cold because he was too demanding. He wants to know what I do every minute of the day, and if I fail to tell him it causes an argument. If I am watching the television, he curses and says that I must do something better. I can't go out with my female friends and sometimes not even with my family. He is jealous and overprotective. His children can do whatever they want.

I had an affair, but it didn't affect him. I went to another guy who was crazy about me and wanted us to get married, but this man objected to it strongly and told the guy some things about me that were not nice. It eventually happened that the guy broke up with me because he couldn't bother with the things he was hearing about me. It hurt me bitterly.

After all that, I think the man would get fed up and decide to leave, but he stayed for the better. At times I feel good, and at times I don't. I would spend days and nights at his house, and my mother was aware of it. She keeps the secret for us because he is well known and is a very respectable person.

He is 25 years older than I am. If anyone knows about this, it would break up his family and destroy his reputation. Eventually, his wife found out and divorced him, so he had to move out of his matrimonial home and from the community to take shame out of his eyes. When I see all of what happened, I started regretting what I did.

too young

With his help I did well in high school, and I am now in university. I thought he would marry me, but he says that I am too young for him. We are still together. We have lots of arguments at times. He called my mother complaining like a baby, and my mother would always curse me. If I don't call him, he curses, and he finds fault with everything.

Earlier this year, he got me pregnant and he had me terminate the pregnancy. I was so sad about it. Every day I curse him. I think it was because he had good intentions for me, but only to know that he was planning on getting married to another woman. I cried. Now, he is happily married and he still wants to have sex with me. He wants us to go places, and when his wife is not at home, he wants me there. He doesn't want me to talk to any other man. If a man sits beside me in a vehicle, he curses. If a man call to me, he argues.

I ask him every day why he got married again, and he told me that it's complicated. The woman only goes to his house twice every month on weekends. I am confused. I do not know what to do. I am in college, and he is helping me. I really want a relationship with someone that I can have a future with, but with this man behaviour, I can't. I am living in misery. Please, tell me what to do.

Initial Withheld


This man is wicked. He is iniquitous. He is unfair. You would observe I have deleted much of your letter because it is not my wish to embarrass you at all. You are a poor girl, and you have ambition. But, this man is trying to keep you down.

You have to leave him. You must put your confidence in God and walk away from this wicked man. What is his purpose for punishing you? You may think that there is no way out for you, but you should remember that at least two other guys tried to establish relationships with you and this man stood in your way. You are not a child anymore, so you need not be afraid. And if this man threatens to hurt you, you should go to the police.

When you became pregnant, he should not have encouraged you to terminate the pregnancy. You are going to always remember what you did, but may God forgive you. I repeat, leave this man. Somebody would help you. Read your Bible, pray and go to church. Have nothing to do with this man anymore.


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