I am about to give my man a jacket


December 10, 2018
A pregnant mother caresses her unborn child. Jane Smith feels no such love for the baby which is growing inside her.

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am living with my boyfriend. I have a problem. I am pregnant, but the child I am carrying is not for my boyfriend. He doesn't know that it is not his, but I know because I had sex with another man, and the man did not use a condom. When we agreed to have sex, he said he doesn't like to use the condom and he would pull out. However, he did not get to pull out. He discharged in me. When I asked him why he didn't pull out and why he discharged in me, he said he wasn't able to do so, but I should get up and drink some water and urinate and then everything will be alright. I did that.

My boyfriend was away for two week. When he came back we had sex, but when I count the days I realized that my boyfriend didn't get me pregnant, but because he is not thinking right or he doesn't think that I would cheat on him, he has not questioned me about this pregnancy. He is excited about this pregnancy and he hopes that it is a boy because he has a child with another woman and that child is a girl. He says he loves her, but he wants a boy to carry on his name.

My boyfriend is 41 years old. When I came to live with him, he was building this house. It is a two-bedroom house with two bathrooms. One of the bathrooms is not totally finished. He has plans to add on another room. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.


I can't give you any reason why I cheated on him except to say that the guy I had sex with and I have been friends since schooldays. He is a conductor on a bus and sometimes when I travel on the bus, he doesn't take money from me. He is always begging me to give him a chance. So, when my boyfriend was away, we were talking and I mentioned that my boyfriend was not here. I gave him the direction to the house and this thing happened.

I have been telling myself that I should have had an abortion, but I didn't want to do it. I called the guy I had sex with and told him that I am pregnant and he said that he knows that the child is his, but he wouldn't make any problem for me. We can keep that as our secret and he would support the child by giving me whatever I want. He lives with his babymother.

Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are in bed and he is making much of me, and saying all kind of things to the baby in my belly, I say to myself, "If only he knew what went on."

Pastor, what should I do?


Dear I.W.,

If you know for sure that the father of the child you are carrying is not your boyfriend, then it is just a matter of time before he finds out. All his friends and relatives would see that there is no resemblance of him and they may question it, and some may even laugh at it and say that you gave him a 'jacket'.

But, he will wake up and question you about it. Some men when they come to realize that the children/child they are supporting are 'jackets', so to speak, continue to support them, but others don't. And in fact, they don't treat the children well after getting to know the truth. It would be wise, therefore, for you to do a DNA test to ascertain whether your suspicion is correct and to quietly make plans to leave before he throws you out.

I don't know if you have not yet convinced yourself that you are a bad girl. You say this guy and you were friends from schooldays, but you didn't have to invite him to your house when your boyfriend wasn't there, and you didn't have to have sex with him. And if because of your badness you were going to have sex, surely you should have protected yourself against pregnancy. The man fooled you by telling you that you should drink water and urinate after he ejaculated in you, and you believed his silly advice. He promised that he was going to withdraw when he felt that he was about to ejaculate, but he didn't. A lot of men have made that promise to women and were unable to do so.

If the child you are carrying is not for the man with whom you are living, I hope the other guy will keep his word and maintain this child. You have let down yourself, and you are making life harder for yourself.


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