Mom thinks my boyfriend is ugly

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old girl and I have a boyfriend. My mother told me that when she was my age, she had more than one, but they were just good friends.

They never did anything like playing around with sex or making out. My mother does not like my boyfriend. She says that he is ugly and his nose is too flat. My nose is straight. My parents are white. This guy is half negro, so his nose is not as straight as my nose, but I like him. I believe that is the reason why my mother told me that I should have more than one boyfriend, and when I am older, I should decide which one I should date often and eventually marry.

This guy is from a respectable family. His parents are medical doctors. I have never asked him for anything, but for my 16th birthday, he gave me a cell phone. I had one already, so I gave the old one to a cousin. I do not intend to break up with this guy because he is very loving and kind. I read your column online; he introduced it to me. He is 19 years old. Whenever my mother sees him, she greets him and behaves as if she loves him, but behind his back, she thinks that he is ugly. My father told my mother that she should not describe anybody as ugly and he told me not to listen to my mother.

I am not very good at math, so my boyfriend helps me and I am very thankful for that. My mother is always warning me, almost to the point of threatening me, by saying that she hopes that we are not doing anything. She means that she is hoping that we are not having sex. This guy has never asked me for sex. Do you think that a mother should always be warning her daughter about who she should be having sex with? I am not a bad girl. The things my mother says sometimes cause me to wonder if I am stupid.

One day she was fussing with me about this young man and my father sat at the dining table and told her that she should shut up and remember that she was not a saint when she was my age. My mother never said a word after that. I think I know that my father was trying to remind my mother that she was on the wild side when they were my age. I do not plan to live with my parents when I turn 18.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Be thankful for the way God has made you and your boyfriend.

It is because many people are not satisfied with themselves that they undergo plastic surgery. I am not saying here that I condemn all plastic surgery; that is not what I am saying. For example, you say that your boyfriend’s nose is not as straight as yours. Why should it be? He should accept himself. In fact, he does.

Your mother is talking absolute foolishness by encouraging you to find a young man who has a straight nose. When the time comes or the time is right, you need a man who is intelligent, respectful and educated. I believe that your father is disgusted by the negative comments your mother makes about this young man.

Recently a young woman I knew died, well, at least it was alleged that she died, from doing plastic surgery. There are times when plastic surgery is necessary. But I do not believe that it is something that people should do because they want to change their looks. I say no more on this matter.

Do not be in a hurry to leave your parents’ home. Stay there as long as you can. By remaining at home, you will save much money and you will be in a better position to buy your own home when you get married.

Pastor