I have the ring, but she has my man

Dear Pastor,

I am a stressed Christian woman. I am married, but my husband doesn’t have any time for me. He spends most of his time with his friends.

One evening, I went to the supermarket and I saw my husband in there with a female. He was assisting her in taking things off the shelves. I went up to him and remarked that I was glad to see him buying stuff for the house. The woman asked him who I was, and he told her that he would explain later. She told him that he should explain now, but he walked away.

I then told the woman that I am his wife. An argument developed between us because I said to her that she was the reason why he comes home so late at night. While we were arguing, I said to her that I have claims on him and I showed her my ring. She laughed and said, “You have the ring, but I have the man.”

When my husband got home that night he cursed me. He called me some horrible names, and he said I was old and washed up. He also asked if I didn’t see how the woman he was with looked good, and that I can’t stop him from spending money on her.

This woman has four children, and my husband is spending money on her and supporting her children. There are times his house is empty and I have to be spending everything I earn to pay the bills and to send my children to school. Sometimes when I ask my husband for money to give to the children for lunch, he tells me that the children belong to both of us, so I should pay half of everything.

I am extremely stressed. Right now, we are two months behind in paying our rent. How could my husband be supporting other women and taking them to the supermarket when we cannot pay our rent?

Is that fair?

Please give me your advice because I am going crazy.

T,

Dear T,

You saw your husband in a supermarket and he was assisting a woman to shop. You assumed that he was paying for the goods that the woman was packing into her trolley. But then, from the reaction of the woman, he confirmed that he was the one who was going to pay for the goods.

It is indeed very sad that a confrontation developed between you and this woman. She told you very hurtful words. She told you that you were wearing the ring, but she has the man. I am sure that got you very angry.

However, my dear, you have to learn that there are many women like you who are proudly wearing wedding bands but nothing more, and other women are reaping the benefits.

Only foolish men do not take care of their yards. Wise men make sure that their wives and their children receive everything that they need before their girlfriends or ‘side chicks’ get anything from them.

Unless a person is ill and unable to work and not receiving a salary due to illness, the first thing he should do with his pay cheque is to pay his rent or his mortgage.

He has to remember that his shelter comes first. Where a man sleeps is even more important than what he eats. He may go without food for a couple days, but he cannot live in an open area; he needs shelter, so a man should not be behind in his rent or mortgage.

People who do not pay their rent move from place to place because landowners need their money. That might be a source of income for homeowners. So it is time for this man to cut out his foolishness and behave like a real man.

Pastor