I lied that I was a lesbian

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and I would like to get your opinion. I am a business person. My parents are poor, but they tried their best with me.

They sent me to school and there was always enough to eat. I am the youngest child. I have two brothers, and by the time I was 12, they had already moved out. So I had my own room, but I had to bathe outside in a bathroom that my father built with zinc around it. I had to go to church every Sunday. I went to high school and I passed seven subjects. My uncles helped me to attend college; they were very proud that I did so well in my exams.

But the people in the community didn’t like me. They tried to pull me down by saying bad things about me. At one time, my parents were scared that folks would hurt me, so they contemplated getting me out of the community. Everywhere I went, my father had other men watching over me. I made friends in college but I did not have life very easy there. I had to learn not to trust anybody because even some of the girls said I was a show-off. My roommate accused me of stealing her money, but I did not touch the girl’s money. I graduated and now I have a good job.

I am not married. I have turned down several proposals; I am not eager to get married. The same girl who accused me of stealing her money, got married, but her marriage did not work. At present, I am enrolled in a master’s programme. I would like to have a master’s degree in education. Marriage would keep me back. Recently, I met a man at a seminar. He was always chatting up to me and I was not interested in talking to him, so he said, “So you are such a beautiful woman, if you are not interested in men, you must be a lesbian.” I said, “Yes, I am a lesbian,” but I did not mean it. I was surprised when the man said “I would love to have the experience in making love to a lesbian.” I quickly told him that I am not interested. I have not made that type of mistake again. I would never tell a man that I am a lesbian because some of these guys seem to know what to tell a woman when she is lying.

Oh, I should tell you that now that I am working, I am able to rent a very comfortable place and my parents are living with me. They have done some work on the home in which I grew up and they have rented it out. I hope that before I am 30, I will find a good man and get married. But even after I am married, I want my parents to live with me; I would not want them to be living in the ghetto.

K.

Dear K.,

I wish you well. You are an ambitious young woman and I can see that your parents have really tried to make you what you are today.

You should always remember that in life, some people will try to bring you down. As you climb the ladder of life, there are those who will shake the ladder, and if you are not careful, you will fall. Not every friend is a good friend. Not every colleague means you well. Some are very jealous of you. It is not even wise to tell your best friend of your plans, because that person may be jealous of you and hurt you.

As a counsellor, I have seen what some friends do to others, so be careful. Please, don’t lie on yourself. Don’t say what you are not. You are only 26 years old; you will get yourself a man. You are not ready as yet; put your life in your studies. You will get your master’s degree. I am glad you are helping your parents. I am sure they are proud of you.

Pastor