Husband called another woman’s name during sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I got married two years ago. My husband treats me well, but he is working with a company and is always travelling.

He was able to take me abroad with him twice, but while he was working, I had to stay at the hotel alone and entertain myself by watching television. My husband works among many women. He is 26 and handsome. I know when he is cheating. I can smell it on him when he comes home. He has a particular girlfriend and I know what she wears because I can smell it on my husband. He denies that he has slept with her, but I am no fool. I know that he is playing around and I am scared that he might be careless and get one of these women pregnant.

A few nights ago we were in bed and I was feeling very horny. When my husband came home, he had a shower, and we went straight to bed. While he was having sex with me, he called the name of one of his girlfriends. I could not believe what I was hearing. I did not say anything to him until he discharged and rolled over to sleep. I asked him who is ‘so and so’; he said that he did not know what I was talking about. So I told him that while he was in me having fun, he said “So and so, you are so sweet, what would I do without you?” He said I was hearing doubles. But I knew what I heard.

So, for Christmas, on one of the gifts I bought for him, I put on the card that this is from ‘So and so, your side chick’. He tore up the card and didn’t talk to me for a few days. He admitted that one of his co-workers carries that name, but he has never slept with her. I asked him why he had to call her name when he had his private parts in my vagina, and why would he have to wonder what he would do without her. I was testing him, so I asked him if he would want me to invite this girl to go to bed with us. He said he was not interested in that. Neither am I; I was only testing him.

When my husband is rested and doesn’t have to go to work, a better lover I couldn’t have. He doesn’t have intercourse as we know it the normal way, he likes also to eat (you know what). How could I stop my husband from going out and cheating on me?

M.

Dear M.,

You do not trust your husband and that is, indeed, very unfortunate.

Are you sure that this man called another woman’s name while you were engaged in lovemaking? He told you that he did not call another woman’s name. It would not hurt you if you were to accept what he said. I am not going to say anything here that would give you the impression that you made a mistake. All I am trying to say is, for peace, accept what he said, because if he is really fooling around with this particular girl, he is likely to call her name again while making love with you.

You said your husband loves sex in all different ways, including oral sex. I was counselling a married woman who said her man likes oral sex so much, that while he was engaged in it with her, she fell asleep but he was still carrying on. A woman should not do anything that would give her man the impression that he is not satisfying her, so he has to seek pleasure outside the marriage. I know a woman whose husband said that the reason why he goes with other women is because of her attitude towards him. He went on the road and got another woman pregnant. Some may say he wanted to go for a long time. If a man is going out, and he ought not to go, he should protect himself. By protecting himself, he is also protecting his wife because he will be using the same tool that he is using outside with his wife.

Pastor