Cousin told wicked lies about me

Dear Pastor,

My cousin and I practically grew up together. We were so close that we used to tell people we were sisters.

After university, we both got corporate jobs and eventually decided to rent a house together. We agreed that we would live together for about a year and then, hopefully, migrate together. My cousin and I were both Christians, but she had much more freedom than I did. She was athletic, popular with the boys, into cheerleading, and had a very active social life. Meanwhile, I was the reserved, nerdy, quiet one. So when I finally moved out of my parents’ house, I was ready for a little freedom and to have my first boyfriend.

Eventually, my cousin became heavily involved in church, even becoming a minister. But she still had men coming to the house. Meanwhile, I was locked away in my room, keeping to myself and texting my boyfriend. I never informed on her. After a while, I decided I wanted to become a little more outgoing like her, so whenever she went out with her friends, she sometimes allowed me to tag along. But most of her friends were men and a few took a liking to me. I always turned them down because I had a boyfriend.

But I started noticing something strange about my cousin. Whenever a man showed interest in me, her behaviour changed. Even stranger, sometimes if a man seemed very interested in me one day, by the next day he suddenly started avoiding me. My cousin became secretive. She went overseas frequently without telling me much about what she was doing. One day her mother accidentally said that my cousin went to America because her relatives were helping her look for a job. I thought we were making plans together, while, apparently, she was quietly making plans for herself. Worse, if she suddenly migrated, I couldn’t afford that big rent by myself.

So I started job hunting overseas, too. One day, my workplace held a workshop and the guest presenter was from one of the company’s overseas branches. Pastor, this man was tall, handsome and dark-skinned. My manager called me over and introduced us. My manager told the guy that I had recently got a position overseas that was similar to the guy’s and suggested that we exchange numbers so he could help me transition. Later that day, I left work early and went home. My cousin arrived soon after. She rushed inside, bathed, put on the shortest shorts she could find with a tight sleeveless top and sprayed on sweet perfume. I was in my room minding my business when I heard the grille opened. It was the same handsome man from the workshop. Apparently, they knew each other well. He had visited because he had overseas connections and was supposed to be helping her with her online job search. But she kept pushing up on him and flirting with him. She never mentioned that I was looking for a job overseas. Eventually, I returned to my room.

Fast-forward to about a year. I migrated but my cousin didn’t. I heard that she was complaining that I was selfish because I migrated and left her behind with the heavy rent. I couldn’t believe it. I cut her off and carried on with my life. Then one day, I ran into the same guy. By this time I was single, so when he asked me out, I agreed. Eventually we became close. I asked him what had happened between him and my cousin. He told me nothing. According to him, he had genuinely been trying to help her find employment. Then he admitted that he liked me from the beginning. He later told me that my cousin told him not to pay me any mind because I was sleeping with different men. I was shocked because she knew I was still a virgin at that time.

The guy begged me not to confront her, so I kept quiet. Eventually, my cousin and I started speaking again. She still has no idea that the guy told me what she allegedly said. A few weeks later, she messaged me that she was pregnant. She sent me an Amazon wish list for her baby shower/gender reveal. I didn’t plan to buy a single thing. She is unmarried, and because she was a minister and held several positions in the church, the officials put her on the back bench for having a child outside of wedlock. The baby’s father also apparently left her.

Despite everything, she started asking me to help her find a job overseas. Pastor, I am a Christian and I believe in forgiveness. I want neither revenge nor to carry bitterness around with me. I also know that her child is innocent. But forgiveness and foolishness cannot be the same thing.

Should I help her find a job overseas after everything that happened?

Concerned Cousin

Dear Concerned Cousin,

Your cousin was always jealous of you. Yes, she was outgoing and had many male friends, but none settled down with her.

She lied on you and she was selfish. Unfortunately, she got pregnant and the father did not assist her and play his role. I want to believe that the man who told you about the bad things she told him about you did not say anything because he might have been sleeping with her. Now he has revealed everything to you. He did so because he wanted to have sexual relations with you, and he has succeeded.

I pray for you and your cousin. Whichever way you can help her, do so. Whether or not she is guilty of the things you have heard, forgive her because that is what a Christian should do.

Pastor