He took home a baby he found on the street

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January 07, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. From a tender age, I was tempted to write to you but I have gotten over my obstacles, thanks be to God. I am in my early 20s and I have a great job. I am earning just enough to take care of myself, save towards a tertiary education, and put aside some for my savings along with other little expenses.

I am in a two-year-old long- distance relationship with a young man who is a few years older than I am. It isn't the best relationship. We have our ups and downs. He has cheated on me in the past, and I have forgiven him. During our relationship, he had another child with his previous

babymother. With that being said, he has two sons of his own. He has a job, but I have never seen his money. I have no idea how much he makes or anything. That doesn't bother me as I always encourage him to save for his children and a rainy day.

I try to help this man in every way possible. I hold no resentment over his last son. Although I felt hurt, I let it go. This man is a constant flirt and it bothers me a lot because I know he cannot be trusted. He is anxious to get me pregnant, and when I asked why, his reply was, "You are an independent woman. I know you can manage to have a child." I am not ready to have a child because I need a tertiary education to ascertain my real goals in life. I do not allow him to sweet talk me into having a child.

GREAT FATHER

The main reason for writing to you is about the adoption of a child. Recently, a baby was left unattended on the sidewalk, and in essence, my boyfriend took the child and claimed him as his own. He is a great father to his two children and his love for children couldn't allow him to leave the child. He told me of the situation and asked me if I could agree to adopt the child as my own.

My first question was, are you the father? He assured me that he is not the father and knowing him, pastor, the child would be with him the second he was born. I am 22. I agreed to help him take care of the child financially as I know it would be hard on him alone. His children's mother doesn't work. I am not sure as to what others may think but I don't think, I could say no. I know doing this would mean a lifetime commitment to him and the child.

STAY COMMITTED

When I think of it, I have no problem helping out this child and claiming him as my own. Where this man is concerned, I cannot speak for the future but the next time he messes up, I am prepared to walk away and stay committed to this child.

Pastor, I love this child so much. Seeing him smile warms my heart. I have started playing the role of a mother in his life. I cannot imagine how a mother could do something like this to a child, but I refuse to judge her action as I am a follower of Christ, and Matthew 7:1 says it all. I know the expenses of a child and I am aware that a child needs unconditional love, and support and though some of my saving habits will be pushed back, I am prepared to try my best and help with this child in every way possible.

Please advise me on the matter of adoption. Do you think taking this child is a wise idea? Please respond as I await your favourable remarks.

S.P

Dear S.P.,

Why didn't this man take the child who was abandoned by the roadside to the police? That was what he should have done. The police would have dealt with the situation and advised him what to do if he wanted to adopt the child. They would have also tried to find the mother of the child. You should not have agreed to adopt this child. He was always trying to force you to become pregnant and now he has brought home a child and has told you a story. How can you be sure that he is speaking the truth?

It is commendable that you are willing to support this child, but the way you have gone about it is wrong. Therefore, I am suggesting that the police be called in and that you do not take anything that this man says for granted. Was a note left with the child when he was found? Do you know the age of this child, etc? It is not too late to do what is right. You should also contact the Adoption Board for advice. Their numbers are listed.

Before I go, let me say that there are some men who believe that women should not be totally free and they try to limit the movements of women by getting them pregnant and by giving them as many children as possible, so please, bear that in mind. The motives of this man might not be pure.

Pastor

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