Never settle for less than the best


January 21, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column. I am 20 years old, and I am having a problem. When I was younger, my parents taught me that I am smart and I should not settle for less. I should get the best guy I could. I did not let them down. My father was strict, but very understanding. He took me everywhere he went. People loved me. You can say that my father used to show me off. I love my mother and my father. We get along well.

The first guy I took home nobody loved him. My father questioned him. I did not know what they were talking about but he told me afterwards that my father asked him if he smokes ganja, and he told my father yes, he did. My father told him that he will never have money because ganja is expensive. Pastor, I loved the guy. I had told him that he should stop smoking, but I did not know that my father would ask him if he smokes. Then one day I accompanied my father to the bank. My father was negotiating a loan and he told the loan officer he wanted me to hear everything. The loan officer kept looking at me. He asked me for my number. My father is so smart. When we left the bank and got into the car, my father said to me, "I get the loan." I asked him how he knew that, and he said, "don't you see that the man was not going to give me any trouble because of you? I saw how he was looking at you." We laughed, and when we got home he said to my mother, "Baby, we got the loan. Let so and so tell you..." My father was right. The loan officer called me and told me that my father is qualified for the loan. He offered to take me out on a date, and I agreed.

This guy was definitely not my type. He took me to nice places, but he was married and separated, and he was anxious to have sex with me, and that turned me off. I told my father that I did not like him but I did not explain. I did not tell him that the guy wanted to put me to bed so soon. Now I am a Christian, and my husband-to-be is a young minister. My father was elated when he heard that my fiancE is a minister. I am amused when I hear my father discussing politics with my fiancE. I shake my head because my father loves politics. And I was very surprised that my father knows his parents, but he didn't know him. I want to tell all the young women that they deserve good men and they should not settle for less than the best. That was my father's advice to me, and I am passing it on.


Dear O.T,

Your father seems to be a wise man. And you are an obedient daughter. You were willing to listen to him, and to follow his advice. Some young women would have grumbled and made a big fuss when he suggested that you should end the relationship with the first guy you took home. Daddy didn't think that he was good enough for you. Now you are going to marry someone who is in the church like you, and I can only wish the both of you well. I observe that you have not said anything about your education. You are only 20 so you should definitely go back to school, even if you have a first degree. Try and do postgraduate work. You can be a big inspiration to the young people at your church, especially to the young women. I would not bother to comment on the loan officer at the bank, except to say that your father is much smarter than he is.


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